I can't.

Anonymous's picture

I can't deal with life anymore. But I have no choice. Don't you have to be at least 16 to drop out of high school? But I can't drop out. It would break my mom's heart. My brother had a head injury, so he couldn't finish. My two older sisters dropped out. And it's been my goal to suffer through school and be the first of my siblings to graduate. I get panic attacks before gym class. I failed it last year because I just couldn't make myself participate. So I went to summer school and passed and had fun even. But now I just can't do it. And gym isn't even the only problem. Maybe it's even a very small part of my problem. Can someone PLEASE explain to me why everyone in my town is completely against gays? I can't even eat lunch without someone yelling something at my straight friends, just because they're sitting with me. That and they throw food at us. They give me the most disgusted looks I have ever seen. My mom told me she's just worried that I'll drop out. She doesn't want that to happen. And neither do I. But right now it seems like my only option. But it's not even an option, because I'm only 15. I'd have to wait until next year. I can't wait until next year. And I can't drop out. I can't be homeschooled because my Mom is working a lot. My older sister sure as hell wouldn't do it. And I don't even know if she'd be allowed to. I was up until 2:30 in the morning sitting with my mom and crying because I'm scared to go to gym class. Don't ask why, I have no idea why it bothers me so much. But now I'm positive that I just can't go to school. I just can't. It's not possible. These people don't know shit about me. But they decide that they do. So they make my life a living hell. I can't stand it. And Mom will probably tell me that I absolutely HAVE to go to school tomorrow. I can't just stay home. But I can't go!!!
Before school, I put on a rainbow wrist band that I bought yesterday, and I was going to wear it today. But then just as we got to school, I took it off and shoved it in my bag because I was too scared to wear it. I guess I'm really not ready to come out at school yet. I don't think it would make much difference, anyways, because everyone just decided that I'm gay, so I must be gay, right? My friend gets called a lesbian too, so she decided to cut her hair really short and spike it. I wonder what she'll look like. But like I said, I can't deal with school. So what would it matter if I wore the wrist band? I wont' be there long. But I probably will. Because I can't just not go. And Mom won't let me just stay home.
Whatever. I can't deal with this.


girlgoddess15's picture

Im sorry you're going through

Im sorry you're going through such a rough time. It can be hard
and it sucks that people are so ignorant and stupid sometimes.
I've been going through some stuff like that and if you ver need to talk I'd be happy to chat with you. Hang in there and know there are people around you that care! :)
~*~ Liz Marie ~*~
I'm just trying to be me. Why is that such a crime?

ricanlust's picture

smile... you're beautiful

hey gorgeous. it breaks my heart to hear what you are going through. i HATED HATED HATED gym class when i had to take it. i used to skip it and help out a teacher that would always let me into her classroom. eventually i had to do it and i know u can too. as far as those immature, ignorant, idiots that have nothing better to do but pick on u guys just remember that 1 out of every 10 are gay and most of them just envy the fact that u are who u are so be proud, flaunt it girly. feel free to drop a note. i love to talk.
much love....