I don't know why I feel the need to write. I don't have anything to say. Just that infernal itch that makes me want to say something when in all honesty there is nothing to say. Oh, how redundant that was.
I wish I could catch dreams at night. Keep them in mason jars like fireflies. And examine them more closely when I am awake. I wish I could fly up among the stars and find out what they have been singing all these years. Hear there story, know what they see, feel their brilliance. I wish I could sleep on a cloud. Just sink into its cottony outside and drift to sleep. That has to be the only true way to sleep.
My head isn't always in the clouds, usually. Actually within the last week it's been in a haze. Too many things happening at once, and so many of them bad. A former classmate passed away last week. He was hit by a truck while he was jogging. He was nineteen years old. I attended the wake Friday night and actually went through three times. In order to support others. It was amazing. There was a line through the parking lot and seventy five percent of the population of people, were eighteen, nineteen, and even younger. Everyone was there to mourn and support one another. He was such an amazing guy. Everyone knew him somehow and everyone loved him. Right before I was to leave for the funeral the next morning, I received the news that my neighbor had passed away the night before. I was floored in such a bad way. She was such a gentle soul and she had been through so much. I walked to the funeral completely numb. I couldn't think at all. As I sat through the funeral I listened to what was being said about God and how He was there when Greg passed away and he was there for him. I couldn't accept it. I am not a religious person and the entire concept of God is hard for me to grasp. But I couldn't see how such a young man could be tragically killed, and yet they could say God was there. I cried so much that morning. His girlfriend got up and sang their song, I can't imagine how difficult that must have been. His best friend gave the most moving speech. He actually made the entire congregation laugh, smile, and cry. It was stunning. I followed the procession to the cemetery blindly. We prayed and we mourned. Slowly we all dispersed. The reception was slightly quiet at first, everyone still taking in what had happened. Then gradually people came around and began talking. I think the best part of the entire morning was when a bunch of us went out onto the common and a game of frisbee started up. Greg's best friends took part, his girlfriend, everyone. It was a release that I believe everyone needed.
I start college on Wednesday and I know I am not ready. I am still disoriented. I have my neighbor's wake on Tuesday night and I can't be at her funeral on Wednesday for obvious reasons. I have car issues and everything is tangling up my mind. Tying it into knots of all sorts. Also my best friend leaves tomorrow morning for college. I don't know what to think anymore.
Through all this, I finally caught the change from summer to autumn. I saw it in the leaves before it was too late and the trees had already changed colors entirely. It made me happy but not in a break out and grin kind of way. It was more of a sad recognition.
As always, thank you Oasis. Have a good night everyone.