I've just realized that the only time I have ever heard the words "I'm gay" or "I'm a lesbian" come out my mouth was when I was mocking people who have harassed my friends and I in school, or when I'm joking around with friends. I think in a way just the thought of actually saying it and meaning it scares me a bit. I feel comfortable with being gay inside. For the most part. Mom says I'm still not comfortable with it socially. She's right. She also says I should wait until I'm more socially comfortable with it to tell my Dad. I've noticed that for the past week or so, my sexuality has been on my mind most of the time each day. I think about SO much and I don't know why. I guess it's probably because I'm still trying to accept it completely. My thoughts when I think about it are of how people would react if I said something about being gay. What they would do. If they would harass me, maybe beat me up, hopefully they'd be fine with it. I think about lots of situations and what it would be like because I'm gay. Sometimes when I think about it, I get really happy and I feel really special and excited that I like girls. :)
I hate when you get crushes on more than one person at a time. This one guy I've known for a long time, I like him. The only problem: I'm not sexually attracted to him. And I don't feel like I completely connect with him. I know him so well, but at the same time I feel like I don't know him at all. With girls, I can connect.
Why are there labels for gays? Like: gay, lesbian, bisexual, and all the obscene ones. Why are there so many names for gays but not for straight people? That kind of frustrates me... Why should people call us names and there aren't names for straight people? Or are there and I just haven't heard any?