How do you know?

SilverMarble's picture

Jesus. All my life I've been taught that being gay or a lesbian is a sin. Yet here I am,
questioning my own preference. I've never had a date, or a boyfriend. I've always denied attraction
to females, but now I realize that I cannot escape the attraction. I'm still attracted to some guys,
but they all seem to be those with feminine figures. How do you know for sure? and once you know,
how do you live? I'm so afraid of being rejected by everyone I love for this. please reply

Jess

Barralai's picture

From personal expierence

From my personal expierence never do anyone that you see every day, and never ask anyone (in public) if they're gay, ummm and when asked about your girl-friends/love life, just say "i'm off the dating scene cause my life girl-friend left me for her cousin" and yes my last GF did leave me for her cousin (ICK!!!)

somethingshowed's picture

I know exactly how you feel.

I know exactly how you feel. I hated myself for some timebecuase of my families major Christianism. Basically, you just have to make yourself quit hiding. At first, I thought i was bisexual. Now, I realize while I'm attracted to men, it doesn't go beyond that. yes, i do find myself liking guys emotionally everyonce in a while, but I could never see myself dating them. My mother did nottake it well, and she's sill geting over it. My dad was weird, then seemed cool, and is now being weird again. However, my friends (majority) thinks it's amazing. They like the fact that i'm so in touch with myself, and I like being intouch with myself. You may be rejected by some, but not by all, and you may be suprised how things turn out, I was. When it comes to relationships, like if your gramma asks you how boys are, and you don't want to tell her yet, generally playing the pronoun game works, or just saying "they're there" works. personally, I hate playing the pronoun game.

"Pronouns make it hard to keep our sexual orientation a secret when our co-workers ask us about our weekend. 'I had a great time with ....THEM.' Great! Now they don't think you're queer ~ just a big slut!" - Judy Carter

dazed and confused's picture

:)

Unfortunately there's nothing anyone can say or do that will make this an easy process for you. It's a very personal journey, and no one's is exactly the same. I'd suggest that you really take time to get to know yourself...this involves lots of thinking and reflection. Don't try to label yourself too quickly; there's really no need to confine yourself to one camp or the other. It's understandable that you're afraid of being rejected; I think that's everyone's fear when you get down to the bottom of things. It is scary, but you have to have faith in yourself. I think for most people, the weight of hiding their true self eventually outweights the fear of being rejected.

If you do decide that you're not straight, then coming out is a very difficult process...but in the end it will be worth it. :)

As far as how someone lives after coming out...it's as simple as just being you. There is no "way" to be gay or bi or whatever...just be yourself and draw strength from knowing you're being true to who you are.

Also, it helps to have people to talk to...whether in a community like this or in real life, it's important to have an outlet. Being alone can make things so much harder!

Many people here are more than happy to talk to you if you email or IM them... my IM is xphileatnd for both yahoo and AIM. or you can email me at that yahoo name. (my screen name @yahoo.com )

Anyways, sorry for this long post, but I know what it's like to be in your position. I was there about 3 years ago, and i know how scary and painful it can be. Don't give up...things will be okay.

~Tiffany

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave, live."