It's Obvious....but not.

Anonymous's picture

Will it ever go away? My crush on this straight girl who I have absolutely no chance with? It's driving me crazy. I dread going to English now. Because she's there. It hurts to see her smile, knowing that I can never be more than a friend to her..if I ever become friends with her at all. But at the same time, I love going to English. Because she's there. Because I see her smile. My friend found out for me whether or not she's straight. She is (Thank you Alissa, I appreciate it). I'm so frustrated because I can't stop thinking, "Well she could just be lying." (my crush, I mean.) And I need to stop. I need to get over her. I need to move on. Grrr, I don't even know her!!! So why is this such a big deal?!

I'm so confused. Every time I see her, it's like I can't imagine her with a boy. It's like it's obvious that she's gay, but she's not. And even if she was, it wouldn't be obvious. She doesn't wear rainbow stuff or check out girls. It's like inside I know she's gay. But that is SO stupid. Like I said, I don't even know her!!! Am I just feeling like this because I WANT her to be gay? How do I get past this??? Why can't she like girls?!!!

All of this feels...not...real. Not possible... I'm so lost.