BAD NEWS- Mom Freaked out & Im scared for My Future

KieBem81's picture

*sighs* Hello Oasis-

BAD NEWS
things are rapidly going downhill for me...my mother originally seemed cool with the idea that i may be gay...but um yes somehing i dont know what specifically has made her go umm POSTAL!! She flipped out yesterday so much that i had to lock myself in my room and blare the music so she couldnt hear me frantically calling my friend...she was screaming through tears at me things that hurt so much....saying stupid things to make me feel guilty which she did do.....she hurt me so bad...i dont know if i can ever forgive her

i have never felt so bad or seen her like this -it scared the shit out of me and she even threatend or rather said shes gonna tell my father who i think would even be scarier..she even wants to tell some other relatives cause she cant deal with it and she didnt raise me to be this way!!! omg i tried so hard to convince her its not something one can choose i have always had this feeling that something was different and well now that i finally realized it i have come to accept it and she just kept screaming at me i know you are confused you are my daughter...i know youre confused...OMG...so horrible...

at that point i cried ..umm like a fucking baby and couldnt stop ..which was bad cause i had to go to work....and then at work i had a horrible day....everything got fucked up ...i had horrible bitch customers...and well it just seemed like it was me against everything....i feel alone...like i know im not but then how come i still feel alone??? i seriously just want to quit everything and sleep .....nap ..for a long time....forget class work ..fuck it all..whats the point if my whole family is going to look at me with disgust?? I know i shouldnt say this but they are stupid and i know what their reaction will be i wish they could understand....but they dont...

i dont know what to do i havent really seen her (mom) since the incident and i dont want to see her...everything is just so wrong right now....everything in my life seems stupid and pointless-- like its a big heap of shit..and i need something to help me back on track unfortunately umm theres nothing...and its so hard...to not feel horribly depressed....which is bad for me i have had past incidents way back and sadness doesnt mix well with me..i dont think that it does for anyone...but this type of shit is what really gets to me...i would do anything to leave here...and start over anywhere....what do you do when you feel theres nothing to live for??!@#$!##!

i now fully understand the pain of someone that feels theres no way out...its so hard.....but i know thats not right and not an option for me..i would never give up.. at least thats one thing im sure of..just how i wont tell my mom im confused...btw i said it full out..im gay and it wont change thats who i am.....i wont give her that satisfaction..oh and it seems they did something to my computer hence i cant use use it...everything is going bad.....life sucks ass

cnn*
good luck everyone..on everything...hold your heads up high...and tell the stupid people of this society to fuck off

Comments

dazed and confused's picture

I'm sorry to hear about your

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. Not that this excuses anything but many parents have to go through their own "coming-out" process of sorts when they learn a child is gay, and it sounds like your mom is having a rough time. I hope she finds someone she can talk to about it who won't make your life any more miserable. Hang in there... hopefully she'll come around. Sometimes you just need to give it time. Just remember you always have us here at Oasis.

:: Hugs ::

~Tiffany

"The hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave, live."

LostnDelerious's picture

Hey KieBem481 sorry bout ur

Hey KieBem481
sorry bout ur mum freaking out, mine did the same she completely flipped and then started interrogating me and asking why i would want to be that way. I completely lost it too and had to get outta there, and of course the first place i went was my best friends house, and since i was sooooo upset i had to tell her aswell!
That was about two months ago, and since then my mum pretends nothing happened and i cant stand to look at my best friend coz i hate that she knows.
I know life can really suck at times, but stick with it...you never know when love is just around the corner :)

KieBem81's picture

thnk..check ur inbox

"If you love someone, tell them for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken"

1 in 3 women think of having sex or experimenting with other women

"Should I smile because we're friends or frown because thats all we'll ever be?"

cnn* :)