*sighs* Hello Oasis-
things are rapidly going downhill for me...my mother originally seemed cool with the idea that i may be gay...but um yes somehing i dont know what specifically has made her go umm POSTAL!! She flipped out yesterday so much that i had to lock myself in my room and blare the music so she couldnt hear me frantically calling my friend...she was screaming through tears at me things that hurt so much....saying stupid things to make me feel guilty which she did do.....she hurt me so bad...i dont know if i can ever forgive her
i have never felt so bad or seen her like this -it scared the shit out of me and she even threatend or rather said shes gonna tell my father who i think would even be scarier..she even wants to tell some other relatives cause she cant deal with it and she didnt raise me to be this way!!! omg i tried so hard to convince her its not something one can choose i have always had this feeling that something was different and well now that i finally realized it i have come to accept it and she just kept screaming at me i know you are confused you are my daughter...i know youre confused...OMG...so horrible...
at that point i cried ..umm like a fucking baby and couldnt stop ..which was bad cause i had to go to work....and then at work i had a horrible day....everything got fucked up ...i had horrible bitch customers...and well it just seemed like it was me against everything....i feel alone...like i know im not but then how come i still feel alone??? i seriously just want to quit everything and sleep .....nap ..for a long time....forget class work ..fuck it all..whats the point if my whole family is going to look at me with disgust?? I know i shouldnt say this but they are stupid and i know what their reaction will be i wish they could understand....but they dont...
i dont know what to do i havent really seen her (mom) since the incident and i dont want to see her...everything is just so wrong right now....everything in my life seems stupid and pointless-- like its a big heap of shit..and i need something to help me back on track unfortunately umm theres nothing...and its so hard...to not feel horribly depressed....which is bad for me i have had past incidents way back and sadness doesnt mix well with me..i dont think that it does for anyone...but this type of shit is what really gets to me...i would do anything to leave here...and start over anywhere....what do you do when you feel theres nothing to live for??!@#$!##!
i now fully understand the pain of someone that feels theres no way out...its so hard.....but i know thats not right and not an option for me..i would never give up.. at least thats one thing im sure of..just how i wont tell my mom im confused...btw i said it full out..im gay and it wont change thats who i am.....i wont give her that satisfaction..oh and it seems they did something to my computer hence i cant use use it...everything is going bad.....life sucks ass
good luck everyone..on everything...hold your heads up high...and tell the stupid people of this society to fuck off