Goddess, I could really use it at the moment. Do I mean counselling? I dunno, what's that one where you just lie down and blurt out all your problems while someone listens- but doesn’t bother trying to give you advice? Psychiatry? Well either way I wouldn’t mind it, I’d like someone else to tell me if what I feel, what I think, is normal- or if I could be f***ed up. Hell, I’ve got no chance of being noticed at school- no chance of people just taking a moment to ask if I’m OK- so I’ll moan here.
1) I shouldn’t be here. OK, dumb start but it’s the only way of describing these weird ‘homesick’ feelings I get. I honestly don’t think I’m in the right time, or planet or something. I feel I should be in a simpler place- somewhere where families are close and the kids are free to roam and play without worrying about school or their future. Yeah, maybe people just say I’m shirking off my responsibilities- but I’ve felt like this for ages, like I’m not in the right body- yeah that seems right. Maybe I’m an alien?
2) My paranoia- never been so much of a problem, just stuff like I couldn’t be in a room without thinking everyone was laughing at me. Now, though I can’t hear a helicopter or see something slightly odd without thinking that the Government are tracking me. Any little inconsistencies or weird noises- that other people barely acknowledge- now get me sweating and panicky. My parent’s tell me to ‘shut up’ and ‘stop being so stupid,’ which just makes me think they’re either on to it- or they’re being controlled.
3) Personality- I’m scared of being myself, well not so much scared but unable to. I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve changed my personality so often to fit in, or stand out that I’ve lost the real me. Now almost everything I do or say is controlled by someone else- and I can’t stop it.
OK- weirdness over.
Ignore and forget