i dont know whether to feel guilty or just plain evil and accept my situation.
NB i am female.
a year and a half ago, I hooked up with this girl-Na - ( she is as hot as it gets), tho i was kinda crazy about her- within a week... i started cheating on her with all these guys,and she found out.
we worked things out and continued going out.
i was then faithful only for another week and it started again- this time i had made sure that she would never find out from any of her friends etc... i played her out very well.
then after about 2 months, i met this guy, Bradley, he was so sexy and so pretty, there was no way on God's loving earth i could have let him walk on by- so, i hooked up with him as my boyfriend- while Na was still my chick.
Time management was never my forte so it got really difficult having the two of them all at once.
so i made a decision- i left her for him.
I had thought that he was potentially the love of my life, but in reality i only dated him for about a month, and then i fell for his friend, marcus- hmmm he was nice, basketball player, caramel skin, corn rows so hot on him, amazing eyes- yup he was the one, i thought to myself.
so I left bradley, & dated Marcus for a while. Now while i was dating Marcus, i heard that Na had started dating some clown -Jerry. i dont know what it was that drove me crazy about the idea of her dating a guy but it definitely got me going to the point where -after months of me not even doing so much as looking at her- i told her i was single ( i was still seeing Marcus)i started calling her, visiting her, calling her some more, messaging her- doing everything in my power to make her fall for me again....
and me being the P.I.M.P i am- she did.
so we started dating again, while on the other side of the spectrum i then i left Marcus ( he started saying things like- " future"... " i want to be with you forever" ... " imagine if we go to college together" - that was enough to scare me off)
i left him for his friend kevin.
i dated Na for another week after i left marcus, and then i got bored with our relationship, so i told her i was playing her out again and she left me.
i was now with Kevin only for about another 2 weeks and i started feeling claustrophobic so i cheated on him with Z, evans, KC... i think that was it.
i decided then that the hassle of relationships etc was too much for me so i was single for about 4 days- and then i missed Marcus, I missed Bradley, but above all- i missed Na...
so i called her up again, she kinda hated me etc, but after about a week of talking to her- telling her how she was the one, my soulmate, my best friend, i cant live without you...blah blah blah...
we started dating again and she left the guy she was with.
which brings us to the present-
i have been faithful to Na for about 3 wks now but then i met John.
he's not like the other guys- he has personality. i love Na and i would never do anything to fuck up what we got now, coz i have a feeling this is my last chance.
But i like John, he makes me laugh, he's fun and i just can't not Have HIM! i tell each one of them that they are the only ones... but i have to have both. i know for a fact that i won't cheat on them, because being a player was becoming to stressful etc- this is my version of settling down i guess
maybe i'm being selfish- maybe i'm being unfair
but i need this.
i got a feeling in my stomach and i dont know what it is, i cant eat because of it- i cant sleep, just thinking about na and John- i love them.