My Heart is Stupid

KieBem81's picture

Hi Oasis-

so yes my heart is stupid i hate that i cant control my feelings and it makes me feel stupid as in dumb as in wtf are you thinking and what are you doing!@!!! i know my last posts have been ramblings about how shitty my life is which is true and this is just a continuum- however i have realized a major source of my depression --so um yes love...i wonder have i ever really been in love maybe a little who knows i obviously dont..i think i kind of was and i hate myself for it...i was too weak...oh poo

but i want it so badly that i feel like its the only thing that can save me now and it frightens me because i was never this vulnerable to anything..i was usually the strong-silent-smart-girl in the corner and now ive done a 180 and my life is all messed up..ive gone back to bad old habits...very bad...umm what else?? i sleep too much i cant even study which i have to do or i'll be put on academic probation at my college if my grades arent high enough...so basically im fucked and theres nothing i feel i can do about it ....

LOVE-- maybe if i ask god for it he will bring it or put it in front of me....not really love but just something to give me hope for the future something to work for..i have no source of motivation and so now im just sinking further and further down into this pile of shit that my life has become....

this post is basically regurgitated shit i have been writing for like a week..im sorry if you read this and think the same thing...i just wish things would get a little better ...thats all i really want...but it seems so far away and impossible..um yea so if anyone needs to talk IM me cause im open for conversation of any sorts...

cnn*

Comments

lilgdreamer's picture

hey!

Tell if u ever make that wish and u get it, maybe I'll try it :) cheer up! SmILE!!!!!!!:)

~*MiA*~

**There is a reality to every dream... don't just reach for the stars-get a ladder, climb up there, & be among them."

KieBem81's picture

u r good to me..where have you been ? ;)

"If you love someone, tell them for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken"

1 in 3 women think of having sex or experimenting with other women

"Should I smile because we're friends or frown because thats all we'll ever be?"

"If you can't

BrunetteBeauty1989's picture

Cheer up

You know be careful, alot of people care about you, and school unfortunately comes first. Love and other nice surprises will come into your life when you least expect it. I am open for discussion Nat-Nat lol,...please feel better

Cath

KieBem81's picture

do not call me that name

"If you love someone, tell them for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken"

1 in 3 women think of having sex or experimenting with other women

"Should I smile because we're friends or frown because thats all we'll ever be?"

"If you can't