This might take quite a while. I've got quite a lot to tell. So I'm warning anyone who's reading this now. There's quite a lot of drama in this still unfinished tale.
Everything started during high school. Before then, I had already realized that I was gay. While I didn't flaunt it, I also didn't really hide either. I wore baggy clothes, just like most of my guy friends did. I suppose I was able to pass as straight because I hung out with girls mostly. That all worked until 10th grade.
It's actually quite amusing. One of my friends asked me if I was gay or bi. After I told her, she told me that a girl was interested in me. She asked if I knew who it was. While I wasn't sure at first, it became obvious when the same girl I had fantasized about in fifth grade started hanging all over me. Kris and I started dating, and then I ended up coming out to two of my friends, who happen to be twins. Ze and Le had thought that I no longer wanted to be friends with them because of all the time I was spending with Kris. Their first reaction was doubt, but not long afterwards both said that it was okay, they still wanted to be friends. That was a surprise since they come from a very religious family.
That was a relief since I considered them to be very good friends. Everything was good for a long while. Kris, Ze, and Le all got to be friends. Even over the summers, which accounted for all but one of our off times, Kris and I stayed in touch and on good terms. Though there were times when both of us got a little jealous, it wasn't really serious. Nothing could have compared to senior year.
As the middle of the school year began approaching, I and other people, including Kris, noticed that Le began acting a little different. She became more touchy feely and more possesive of me. I thought that maybe I was just imagining everything until someone confronted me about it. Things got really interesting for a while. Kris and Le kept vying for my attention, and their friendship suffered because Le still wanted me even though she knew I was taken.
It got to the point that Kris was extremely jealous despite my efforts to minimize contact with Le. One toomany accusations was the end of our relationship. Nothing I did could've convinced her that I wasn't doing anything with Le. In the meantime, Le became depressed. She wouldn't talk to me, and the only time she'd look at me was when i wasn't looking. The only music she'd listen to was U Should've Known Better, BreaksMy Heart, and Hurts The Most which aren't the happiest songs on Monica's After the Storm LP. How would I know? Well, I had the pleasure of listening to the same three songs when I drove her home one day.
That was less than pleasant. So I was relieved when she finally got happier. Everyone else was too. Everything seemed to get better. K and I settled on being friends with benefits, which has worked. Summer came. Since the atmosphere between K and L wasn't good, I hung out with my friends separately. That went good too until I realized that I was starting to have feelings for L. Soon after college started we also opted for being friends with benefits.
That worked until someone from L and Z's church saw me and L holding hands. Word got around, and their parents beleive that 'good' shouldn't be seen with 'evil.' They think that while I don't have control overbeing gay, I shouldn't participate in any 'gay' relationships and activities. I had to endure all of this despite their mother's brother being gay. I could've handled this fine if they had at least shown me some support. Instead, they decide that they need space. Convenient, ain't it?
Well, now I'm glad all of this happened. I'm giving them space, and if they decide that they want to be my friends, I might be able to learn to trust them again. Right now though, the good friendship that we had seems to have disappeared. I'm fine not having the FWB relationship with L, but it will be hard being friends with them after they basically hung me to die. I have found out who my real friends are though. K has talked with me a lot, and so has my best friend BD, who I've known for around 15 years. I also have some other people I know I can trust.
This whole situation made me decide to come out to my mom. It was such a relief to tell her, especially when she said that she had figured as much. Now she just bothers me by being too protective. I'm glad that this happened though. It has taught me so much, and I believe that dealing with it will make me a better person in so many ways. I also think it will be a learning experience for Z and L, who still remains confused about herself. Eventually both will realize their ability to be independent from their parents.
Until then, I plan on living my life the same way I have been.