Sad Night..Me..Exposed

KieBem81's picture

Hi Oasis...

so im having mood swings..being emotional...lol...not funny really but you know...i feel blue i suppose.....and it only reveals it self to me at certain moments like now that i realize im sad ...and tired of working so hard...but i know for me to be sucessful in life and everything else i need to finish school ..get good grades...and not fuck up the opportunity i have to be something ....

i guess its cause i know the next month or so is going to rip me to pieces and test me on all levels..emotioanally, physically, and god damme psychologically..lately my mom is still dumb...and its stressful...so much that i cant bear to be near her :(

and well i have my friends but 80% have no clue...so thats a dead end...and well bah...

moreover i want to find someone...not like someone to spend the rest of my life with but someone i can share my stuff with and be happy with ..and oh i dunno i guess im getting mushy now...i like my excellent vocab..lol..

whats crazy is how when im busy and all intense doing stuff i have no idea or dont even register these feelings its now that they attack from all angles and that i all of the sudden realize my true standing and felelings towards life....

hmm which brings me to a thought..i think im going to go to spectrum as someone mentioned to me..lol...i might find someone or friends who get me...i just need to muster the courage....i have to get over this fear of rejection..and now more than ever i think im finally ready....woa so ive decided..i will go to the meeting either this semester i think theres one meeting left or the first one next semester...cool...wow..this is a step...to happiness i hope :)

cnn*

*sighs time to sleep for once*