I can't get last night off my mind. I should feel guilty...I mean, I have a girlfriend...and I spent a couple hours last night making out with another girl. And to be honest, I can't say that I don't want to go further. Am I a horrible person? It's hard to explain, really, how I feel having not seen my girlfriend in 6 months, not knowing when I'll see her again, and having our relationship be rather shaky to begin with.
Last night, Kate was there. She's someone I find attractive...she's smart, funny, outspoken...and she was there. And she's obviously attracted to me too, in some way. She was there and we were dancing and the mood was right and so we kissed (and kept kissing...). It felt so nice to be there with someone who I know wants me, and who I could touch in person rather than just talk to over the phone.
I mean, I know some people probably thing I'm completely in the wrong, and that there's no way to justify what I've done. But how I was feeling...I needed that, I needed to feel wanted, I needed to have that connection with someone. Unless you're in my position, it's impossible for you to really know what it's like. Even in my position it's confusing...I don't know exactly what I want or how I feel.
I just don't know how long I can keep doing this long-distance relationship with my girlfriend. It's so, so stressful...and I just think she and I may have moved way too quickly.
I just don't know. I don't know anything. And I hate that feeling more than anything in the world.