The Complexities of Unfaithfulness

dazed and confused's picture

I can't get last night off my mind. I should feel guilty...I mean, I have a girlfriend...and I spent a couple hours last night making out with another girl. And to be honest, I can't say that I don't want to go further. Am I a horrible person? It's hard to explain, really, how I feel having not seen my girlfriend in 6 months, not knowing when I'll see her again, and having our relationship be rather shaky to begin with.

Last night, Kate was there. She's someone I find attractive...she's smart, funny, outspoken...and she was there. And she's obviously attracted to me too, in some way. She was there and we were dancing and the mood was right and so we kissed (and kept kissing...). It felt so nice to be there with someone who I know wants me, and who I could touch in person rather than just talk to over the phone.

I mean, I know some people probably thing I'm completely in the wrong, and that there's no way to justify what I've done. But how I was feeling...I needed that, I needed to feel wanted, I needed to have that connection with someone. Unless you're in my position, it's impossible for you to really know what it's like. Even in my position it's confusing...I don't know exactly what I want or how I feel.

I just don't know how long I can keep doing this long-distance relationship with my girlfriend. It's so, so stressful...and I just think she and I may have moved way too quickly.

I just don't know. I don't know anything. And I hate that feeling more than anything in the world.



StarLight's picture

I understand what you mean. I

I understand what you mean. I'm like that - I need affection, to kiss and hug and cuddle. Before I started dating my girl, or anytime I wasn't seeing someone for that matter, I longed to be held. This guy friend of mine was sort of my release for that and I was his. We would hug and hold hands and cuddle and all that. Beacuse we're all humans, and it's what we crave. I've never been in your position, but i do understand.

Jazzer's picture


It's not for me (or anybody here) to say whether you're completely wrong or not; that's for you to decide. What I can tell you is that from what I've seen from your writings and such, this is the first time that it's REALLY hit home that you have a girlfriend far away that you can't touch.

That's the same problem I encountered when I tried to do the long-distance relationship thing. Then I did a lot of thinking about it....

First, studies show that humans need to be touched, young and old, in order to maintain a good emotional health. There's no getting around it. Then it hit me: how could I possibly put myself in one of the most intimate of relationships and not touch that person?! It was (and is) ridiculous for me. And I couldn't do it.

From the way things sound, neither can you. Were it I, I would stop the pain, keep your girlfriend as a good friend and move on. Don't look at it as a failure, look at it as a lesson.

Some people's kids...I tell ya!