I was driving back from my piano lesson and feeling dreadful about my plan to come out to my parents. I turned up the music and sang Cold Play's lyrics instead of thinking about it. After my parents got back, I felt dreadful again, and I went to my room and slept. Then my dad woke me up for lunch. I decided I would tell them after I had a cheese sandwich. Then I said that a certain university was my first choice instead of another one, although the other one has better policies to gays and lesbians like myself. This flew right over them, and they didn't catch on. This really got me worried and I could hear my heart beating.
I vowed to tell them by 1:30, so I had another two sandwiches. Then I just told them that there I thought they should know that I'm gay. Both asked me to repeat what I said, and I did so. Both were surprised. My mother said that she had a "gay phase" when she was a teenager, but "grew out of it". My father just started moaning "no, no, no" and put his hands over his face. Then we all went to the lounge room to discuss it.
My mother was more progressive about it the whole time. We talked for about an hour. I said that it was not likely that I was going to change, but that it was theoretically possible. My mother talked about how it seemed like gay rights groups were organised like religions, "converting people". I said that they didn't try and convert people, they just tried to get them to see their point of view. Just because one preaches equality does not mean that one must be gay, in the same way that one need not be black to oppose apartheid.
My father was devastated. He said that I was his pride and joy, past tense, but now life had lost meaning. As predicted, he wanted to know how men had sex with one another, but both me and my mother did not want to discuss that. He asked if I had told anyone else. When I said I had told some close friends and some teachers, they seemed to think the situation was forlorn, and surely most of the school would know by now. This I found particularly irritating, because it could be taken to mean that I lack the ability to read people. When he found out I even told a girl, he was even more crushed (I guess he thinks girls gossip more). There were tears in his eyes as he asked god (which he is an agnostic about) why he was being put through this.
Both of them seemed to think that it was the result of American cultural influence, something I said was not true. I pointed out how there is research suggesting genetic causes of homosexuality. If one identical twin is gay, the other is more likely to be. Mothers of gay sons tend to have more children. Homosexuality occurs among animals. I got my mother a study to read on the matter . She read about a third, then said she'd read enough for today.
Both of them were distressed when I told them that I would be coming out to everyone before the end of the academic year. They did not think that I would be able to change anyone's attitudes by doing so. I said that it would be most in accordance with my character, as someone who will not tolerate this oppression without a fight.
It ended with my father trying to salvage what one might call a compromise. He said that he, and my mother, would try and work towards changing towards being accepting of me. In the meantime, I should be trying to go it straight. He said that having loved me as a son all these years, the least I could do was to not "join the other camp" so quickly. He said that I should, for my sake at least, have heterosexual female friends and refrain from any homosexual activity, until I'm 21. This I rejected. I said that I could not promise that I would not be having sex with another man for the next 3 years. He asked why not be sure about it before I make any irreversible decisions), since I "cannot possibly know" yet. I said that I did know, and I was pretty certain. I said that even if I was to have sex with another man, it would not mean that I could not have sex with another woman in future, if that's what he was worried about. He said that there would always be stigma following me around if I were to have sex with another man. I said that I woudln't want to get close to anyone who would judge me by that.
Then, as I was writing this just now, my father came back home from a jog to clear his troubled mind. He said that I was being inconsiderate to the feelings of others. I said that my consideration for their feelings was why I told them. He said that this would have repurcussions for the next several years.
Overall, I feel glad that I've done this, in spite of the big hoo-hah. We'll be talking it over with my school's counselor tomorrow, I hope.