Excerpt from my NaNovel, "Whispers"!

tarni's picture

Hope you like it! This is one of my most favourite scenes from the first draft of my movel. Note, I said first draft, so it's very rough and uneditted, but I still love it. ENJOY!!!

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Kamali stayed in bed for ages, several days she believed, letting everyone come and go as they pleased, but worrying incesantly whenever they did. Finally, she only left to go hunt. She was terrified. She’d seen the other Whisper be killed nad came back to see the dead human gone, taken away. What if the humans had been around then, and had seen her? What if they tried to kill her this time, to shut her up?
She trembled, and had to force herself to leave the ruins. Every time there was a noise she jumped, until she made herself shift to [particle form] to hide better.
It took her ages. Each time she found and decided on a human, something stopped her. When it wasn’t another human turning up, preventing her from shifting to a physical huma-form, or the human going somewhere where there were more people, it was her own nervousness. She let at least half a dozen go, until she had to choose. Daylight was approaching, and she’d be an even easier target then.
Kamali finally chose a young girl, maybe just into double figures of age. She’d been walking down the street with her mother, but had darted away, with permission, to have another look at some flower she’d seen a minute ago. Kamali dropped to the ground in physical form, and shifted quickly to a human-like form, a little younger than the one she’d chosen. Eight, perhaps nine years of age, short dark brown hair held back with a headband, clothed in a t-shirt and a knee-length skirt. Skin somewhat darker, looking like a Native-European mixed race. She stepped out from behind the bush she’d changed behind, and walked over to the girl.
“Hi!

Comments

Paladin's picture

It's pretty cool

You have a lot of original ideas, or at least they seem original to me. Good job, and keep writing! What's up with the brackets "[]" though?

Dave

tarni's picture

*giggles* The [] brackets wer

*giggles* The [] brackets were when I wasn't sure of what to put. Maybe a word I'm not sure of, or something I didn't know how to spell; I just put the square brackets around it so I see it when I read through it and keep writing.
Thanks, too. COming up with all sorts of ideas is a major reason why I write- you get to show people really interesting stuff. Hehe.

And Andrewgirl3:
Sure you can read it! You can either PM me here, or IM me on msn to
wolverine_the_insane(at)hotmail(dot)com, or email me at teengirl91(at)yahoo(dot)com(dot)au.. and when you do, say if you want to read it on my LJ or have it emailed to you, 'ey?

Tarni.

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"People who take you at face value will always be your true friends. Truth + laughter = good friendships."
--milly the fairy

Andrewgirl3's picture

Awesome

Great story! Do you mind if I read more of it? What's your IM?

" Love, as long as it hurts no one"
Annie on My Mind, by Nancy Garden