Help?

smitty17's picture

Hey,
I'm a 16 year old girl who could use some encouragement!
I've just recently come to terms that I'm gay. I came out
to one girl at school who is gay and she helped me by taking
me to a gay pride event. Of course I had to do this w/o my
mom knowing. So, I told her I was hanging out w/ a new
friend. anyway...we became friends and talked a lot over
the summer and that was mostly through email. Well, my mom found
those emails and some poems I had written. Lets just say,
that was really bad! Well, I'm not allowed to even talk to
my friend anymore and my mom dragged my aunt and uncle and youth
pastor into it. It was SO bad! I was not ready for my family
to find out at all. I was still trying to figure myself out.
So now, I have no one around my age to talk to. And I have no
way of going back to that gay pride even this year. My car is...
yea, won't go there. lol But I really enjoyed it last year!
I would love to maybe meet someone there or just make new friends.
My friends have no idea about me and would be shocked if they
found out. I'm a "good Christian girl". So, if you have any
advice, I'd love to hear it!
Thanks everyone!! :)

La Jo 9430's picture

Hello, Must have been inte

Hello,

Must have been intense, hiding all that stuff from your family, and even worse when they found all that stuff. So how is it left with them- do they think it was just a phase? I hope you don't mind my asking all this.

Is there anyway you could make plans to tell your mom that your somewhere else and get your old friend to give you a ride to the parade? Or have you not talked to her in a long time?

Good luck with everything.
If you ever just wanna talk, you can IM me at LaJeau9430 or email me at josie0405@aol.com

love is an artform slightly removed from its element- Saul Williams

smitty17's picture

Hey, yea, it was really inte

Hey,
yea, it was really intense hiding it from my Mom. I was
always scared she'd find it. I guess one night, I wasn't
Scared enough and she DID find it. lol
I'm ashamed to say this, but yes, I did somehow convince them
That it was a phase. I feel bad about doing that because
I'm lying about who I am. I just freaked! I just kept saying
I was just seeing what it was like and stuff; and that I'd only
questioned myself like twice in the past year and it only lasted
a week. Which is a total lie! I've had this feeling for as
long as I can remeber. All the way back to little childhood.
I just didn't know what it was when I was younger. I even lied
to my youth pastor when we had our "counciling" session. ugh!
I don't like to lie. I may be gay, but I still believe in some
of the Christian rules. I don't lie that often; and if I do, it's
about whether I've put away all my laundrey or not. lol So, that
just added to my guilt.
I really wish there was a way I could get my friend to take me.
I do get to see her at school sometimes. But, she's usually
buisy with her girlfriend or work. So, it's tough. And my newest
person who knows, is really buisy too. I'm hopefully going to
find someone who is gay at my school who my mom doesn't know about,
who can take me w/o raising any questions. Luckily, I have
until June. So, we'll see.
Thanks for commenting! and I will email you as soon as I can.

Kai's picture

Yeah must have been tough for

Yeah must have been tough for you babe but heh! that's what we're here for! ^_^ yeah just IM anytime you wanna talk or whatnot! :)
hope you sort it out with your family.




[Kai]

--*--^--*--

tap on my window, knock on my door...i want to make you feel beautiful.

lilyprodigious's picture

I was outed too, twice: onc

I was outed too, twice: once and home, and shortly thereafter at school.

Stick with it babe, it gets better.

Things stil lstuck at home, but being forced to be out forced me to be ready to be out.

DOn't lie, or thye'll find out alter and it'll be worse.

It took me MONTHS, but at last I cam to terms with it.

I know it sounds surreal, but time heals all wounds... and you'll come to love it. I swear.... She would have found out eventually, and you were spared the agony of having to decide how to tlel her.

MAybe, wiht time, she'll come to accept you, or maybe just tolerance... but it will come, and life will improve drastically when it does.

La Jo 9430's picture

I hate to say it, and think o

I hate to say it, and think of me what you will, but sometimes lying is absolutely necessary. It was for me. My mom & dad found some stuff in my room as well, and I lied my ass off. It was either that or get kicked out of the house and goodbye college, ya know? So I lied and said it was the first time I'd ever had anything like that, no one else knew, it was a one time thing, I was just curious because what the hell is WRONG with me, why don't I have a boyfriend?

It sucked and is the worst thing I've ever done, but I had to do it. *shrugs*

love is an artform slightly removed from its element- Saul Williams

Brosia's picture

Insert witty phrase here

I have to give you credit, hon. You seem to be handling things wonderfully. First of all, you seem pretty confident about who you are. That'll definately be a big help. Also, while it's gnawing at your conscience, you managed to keep them from freaking out more than they had to. I think you'll be ok. Besides, you're almost 17, right? Pretty soon you'll be able to strike out on your own and show your true colors (no pun intended). I don't know what to tell you about the pride event. I'm not exactly sure what resources you have at your disposal. Best of luck, babe. If you ever feel like chatting, all of my contact info is in my profile. Take your pick.

Orangearmadillo612's picture

That sucks

I don't know what I'd do if my parents found out about me. If you need someone to talk to you can always email me at anji61287@yahoo.com.

If homosexuality is a disease, let’s all call in queer to work. “Hello, can’t work
today, still queer.

the mouse that roared's picture

Wow, that sounds really hard.

Wow, that sounds really hard. I agree that things will get better though. Hang in there! If you need to talk, my email is MouseWhoRoared@aol.com, and my IM's the same. Good luck!