WHY THE FUCK AM I STILL ALIVE????? (pardon my french) i don't understand the
way the world works. i just don't get it.... i keep thinking that i want to
tell someone that i'm going to kill myself, just so that someone knows that my
life is like shit right now (there's that french again...). i can't live like
this. 1)my mom mentioned to my dad today (not really in passing, we were having
a conversation, but i won't go into detail) that my counciler is lesbian...
actually, what she said was "...has been in a long-term lesbian relationship".
and get this...my dad, who i thought was totally fine with his sister, his neice
and his own DAUGHTER (that would be me) being lesbian, decided that he never
wanted to meet her, and that he didn't really want to talk about it. go figure.
2)i so badly want the world to know i'm lesbian... but everyone, exept for ms.
salim, says that i would be doing it for myself, not to make a statment. well,
statments be damned, i say. i don't fucking care what they think i want to do it
for. so i want it for myself, who cares? my life is so unstable right now, i
want anything that will make it better. at least, if i was out, then i could
punch back, instead of listening to the rumers about me. i just don't get it...
3)i have friend, Jacob, who is like my twin. we are really close. and get this,
if we lean on eachother, or even touch eachother in anyway, we get teased relentlessly
by everyone for being in a relationship (niether of us think of the other in that way.)
however, if i lean on Emma, another friend, we get teased by the SAME people
about being lesbian (as if they could know). so, i can't touch a boy, and i can't
touch a girl. i REALLY don't get people...i mean really, make up your minds...
am i straight, and with a boy who i've been friends with since 4th grade, or am
i queer, and in a relationship with a girl who is a friend? help...