ggrrgrgrgrr. The other night, i woke up crying. See, this is what happens when people don't love you as much as you love them, or worse, you can't say word one to them. I ran into the girl i like last night at the movies. She was with the guy she likes.
You know, there was only one thing harder than watching that, and it was listening to my other friends trash talk her all the way to and from the theatre. I am privy now to the knowledge that said guy she likes doesn't really like her, he's "just lonely". Fucktard. I also know that said other friends revel in this. And all the while I can't get the nerve up to tell her I like her. What I'd like to do is bitchslap said other friends, kick said guy in his nuts, and yell, "English, I love you, you're perfect, screw these assholes, let's go get in your car and make steamy Passionate love in da backseat!!!!"
Never gonna Happen.
Not to mention she's straight, like, crazy straight. She toyed around with being bi for a while, then promptly changed her mind once I fell madly in love her, goddammit. I mean, I've never felt this way before about anyone. So I was listening to The Killers the other day and that line from Mr. Brightside comes on:
"Comin out of My cage, and I've been doin just fine
Gotta gotta be down because I want it all
It started out with a kiss, how did it end up like this
it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss"
And i'm thinking, how weird is this, it's me and english, I was just starting to figure out my sexuality (coming out of my cage and I've been doin just fine)when i fell for her, and i figured out i was in love with her when she said goodnight to me one night by kissing my forehead(It was only a kiss). So the next verse comes on:
"Now I'm falling asleep, and she's calling a cab,
and he's having a smoke, and she's taking a drag,
now they're going to bed, and my stomach is sick,
and it's all in my head, but she's touching his
chest now, he takes off her dress now, letting me go"
Oh my god, this is getting creepier by the second. Said guy (hereafter called Clint) and English both smoke. And i know all too well the feeling of leaving her house while her boyfriend is still there and knowing what they're doing, even if it is all in my head.
"And i just can't look, it's killing me,
They're taking control,
Jealousy, turning saints into the sea,
swimming through sick lullabyes, choking on your alibi,
but it's just the price I pay, destiny is calling me,
open up my eager eyes,
cause I'm Mr. Brightside."
God help me, that's my story. And now what? Do I give up on her, let destiny call me, or lay it all out for her, or continue like I have been?
What the fuck.