i'm lost. i can't sleep, and when i do, it's curled up into a tight ball, so
when i wake up, i'm really stiff and sore. the only reason i keep going is because
people need me to. I need me to. i can't give up, but i have to. i can't let
my parents down. i need help. i really want a break, stop the world, i want to
get off. i really want someone to love me (as in a girlfriend) but i can't let
myself be hurt again. no one even knows about rachel, what she did to me. should
i tell susan (counsler)? or should i keep it inside? not that i can, any more.
i keep falling apart. i really need someone who understands me. if i fall apart
at home, and i tried that, my parents are sypathetic, and they let me do my thing,
and the next thing i know, they're nagging me about homework. i don't get it.
it's like, i need support right now, i really don't want my nose rubbed into my
failings. i just can't keep going. but i can't stop. people expect...no, they
need me to be strong. but i'm not. I'M ONLY HUMAN!!!!!!! i can't do this...
i want out. and if i try to tell my dad, he only says "you want, you want, you want.
the world doesn't always do what you want!" "But i want it to!" i want to scream
at him, "I need it to!" i really don't get what this is all about. there are some
mornings i just don't want to get up. i need some major help....and i don't know
who to tell. i'm the one who's supposed to be helping people, i'm the peer
counsiler, not my friends. and my friends are the ones who have the courage to
tell me that their lives are screwed up. i can't even cry any more.