i had sex with a guy last month. i can't say that it was a horrible experience. he was good. experienced i guess you could say. he is a couple of years my senior. there were a few reasons that i went through with it. i guess the first, and most important, was that i needed to know, beyond a doubt, that i would never be attracted to guys. although i had gone relatively far with guys before, i had never reached sex. i was drunk. that wasn't a factor so much in the deciding to have sex, but it was a major factor in my ability to go through with it. i wouldn't say that i regret the act of sex, because i don't. it not only helped clear up some confusion in my head, but also removed me from virgin status. i was sick and tired of people assuming things just because i was a fucking virgin. this was not by choice. i Wanted sex. it just never ended up working until one night at a party last month. i guess i'm content now you could say cause i felt nothing. there was no connection. it was just sex. i could have been masturbating and gotten a better orgasm. wow this was a pretty extensive ramble. o well. this writing thing tends to help me sort out all of the confusing, and sometimes conflicting, thoughts within my head. alright well basically, i have come to the conclusion once again that i am a lesbian. every time i attempt some sort of sexual encounter, i always come to the same damn conclusion. and i tell myself that i am totally fine with being a lesbian, but obviously i am not. o well. i need a relationship. that will help i am assuming. eh. i need vacation.