Two Thousand And Five

extreme447's picture

I have never tried thinking of, and then following through with, a new years resolution before. I do not know why, but this year I was thinking of giving it a try. Okay well first of all I want to come out to my brothers. I always have excuses, but they are just escapes. Scratch that. I need to just come out. In general. The problem is I'm not exactly closeted. I just don't feel comfortable telling most people. I tend to be a very private person, and i just am not at ease with screaming my sexual orientation at the top of my lungs. O well. I find it hard to come out in general, though. Even under some of the most safe conditions. An example being while at Friendly's with three fellow chorus members. The chorus factor alone helps, but to make things even easier one of them was gay. The other two consisted of one of his best friends and then a girl who i knew had no qualms with homosexuality. Not only would the people have been unreservedly accepting, but there was a perfect opportunity as well. All three had been doting over a cook all night long. I was invited to join in the checking out-athon. All I did was awkwardly decline. What the hell. I could have easily just said "no thanks i'm more into the girls myself", and all would have been fine. But no. I just said something that could have been interpreted as my just being a prude. Damnit. I wish I had had the courage to just say i was a lesbian. I need to work on that. O well. At least my close friends know.

Okay. So. This upcoming year I have one goal. At least when there is an obvious moment for coming out, I have to take it. No more excuses. I will be out to my damn school by June.