last night's events and other things

insanepenguin's picture

I typed this all out in an entry after midnight when I got home, but my fucking computer froze, so I lost it. I am still pissed, so do me a favor and don't say anything about bad grammar or spelling mistakes. I normally am OCD about my journal entries, and spell check them numerous times before I post them. Also, this may seem more like a journal entry at times, and at other times it may seem more like a rant. Deal with the fact that I put it as a rant, I don't need people jumping down my throat about stupid shit like that.

Last night was Winter Formal. It was going well until Nicole had to go and work coat check with Anna. When she was done, she basically ignored Kirsten and I for the rest of the night. She also kept going off with Liz, and Kirsten kept saying how she acted differently around them. Kirsten felt like Nicole walked all over her, since she normally paid for Nicole when they went out, because Nicole didn't have money. Kirsten was teary-eyed more than once last night, which is unusual for her. She rarely ever cries...

I was basically depressed at the dance because Kirsten was upset, and because I was jealous of how the heterosexuals can show their love for their boyfriend/girlfriend and not get weird looks or glares. They don't get any comments thrown at them. I saw people dancing with their boyfriends, and I was sad. I just wished I could be the accepted "norm." I know, that is horrible. I am gay and proud of who I am, but it just hurt last night...

Last night was going to be the night I also kissed Laura. I was too upset to do that though, and then Kirsten and I were in a hurry to leave, so it didn't happen. I don't think it ever will happen. I am starting to think I'm just wasting my time, but I just can't let my love for Laura go.

Last night when I went to bed, I just wanted Laura next to me. I wanted her to be holding me, and I wanted to hold her. It would have made me felt better to have her there, since she is someone who understands me. She also understands how it hurts me occasionally because I am gay. I wanted her there to make her feel safe, and to make me feel safe, and for us to know that we are there for each other through everything...


armadillo's picture


It does suck that society doesn't accept any show of emotions between the same-sex...but i think about things this way: do you accept society entirely? Obviously not. You feel that society does not accept homosexual people, when some people in society are open-minded to it, while others are repulsed by the thought.
So why should society accept one person, when that one person doesn't accept society?
I know, it doesn't really make things easier to think that way, but the truth is that it doesn't matter how people react to you, as long as you can accept yourself and use those strong feelings inside yourself to really love yourself. Your friend Laura will appreciate seeing you happy with yourself. It may even invite her to feel happy about her feelings for you, if she indeed has them.

Torre's picture

I'm sorry about your night.

I'm sorry about your night. However, I can relate (maybe more since I tend to get real sensative around this time of year due to the big VD).

Just because a person doesn't accept some of the societies doesn't mean they should be alone because of society's close-mindedness. Maybe society should grow up and actually try to help people, instead of supporting stupidity.

Sometimes, people wish they were the norm whether they are proud of who they are or not. And yes, it does hurt. There's nothing wrong with that.

Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. Be safe.