extreme447's picture

I have been thinking a lot lately about what defines someone's sexuality. Like can you just have sex with people in general, but define yourself as a lesbian? By doing that are you contradicing yourself? Are you a hypocrite? What if you can't imagine yourself in a heterosexual relationship? What if not only can you not imagine it, but you don't even want it? If the thought is even unsettling to some extent. Is it just fear of commiting? But wait. You can imagine yourself with a woman. So then you are once again a lesbian. Okay, but there is still the factor of sex. You would have sex with a guy if you were drunk. Probably not sober, though. But what about a woman? Wouldn't you be just as scared with a woman? Okay, so the alcohol is not a deciding factor. How much of your sexual identity is based on love, and how much on lust? Must you possibly love a particular sex to deem yourself actually attracted to them? Must both love and lust go hand in hand? Is it even lust that you feel for some guys? Is it anymore than a game? A conquest? Is lust ussually any more than that? Does it make a difference if what you feel for men is nothing compared to what you feel for women? Is that just another component of your bisexuality? Or is it a red flag trying to tell you that you are deluding yourself and screaming "Duh you are a lesbian"? But when you think about it, has there ever been sexual tension between you and a guy? Has the outcome ever mattered to you in the slightest? Have you ever longed for the embrace of a man? And the tallies are in...the conclusion is you are a lesbian.


Sirens call's picture

Me too

Welcome to the club :)

Fan001's picture

I like your brain

I like you brain, it makes me think a little more. I had that thought in my mind for a while now. Based on your theory I can agree to certain issues. In my case being a male I fall in love with some women that tend to touch my heart etc, but I can not see myself have sex with them. They can touch or try to arouse me but it does not work. Maybe I fall in love with them so that I can protect them from other men out there who are rubbishes. I don't know. What you say does make sense but as we all have different views and experiences I guess maybe that would apply to your life.

Feel free to argue my comment??



Free ain't free until you free from fear.

insignificant_me's picture

I just call my self queer, sa

I just call my self queer, saves the trouble and confusion of having to think about all those questions. I'll sleep with a guy, Ive had several drunken one night stands with guys who normally I would just consider a friend. Generally the idea of a relationship with a guy, of having a boyfriend, just freaks me out. I did that once over the summer, had a boyfriend for about a month and it just fucked things up. Girls are different though. I would hook up with a girl completely sober, and i would probably want it to lead to a relationship. I wouldnt want it to be just a one night thing. I wouldnt wake up the next morning next to her wondering what the fuck I did, and why.... and then hope she never tries to contact me, (thats generally how it goes with guys.) Girls are the real deal for me, who I really want to be with, and guys are just convenient. I realize this probably makes me sound like a slut now... Please dont think that about me.... Im just a horney college student!!!