How To Come Out To My Parents

Eegriaga's picture

Well I told the whole school im gay and such and some teachers. But I kind of feel bad because half the world knows im gay exept for my mom and dad. I told my sister but she doesnt think im gay. I told her in a conversation that i had a crush on a guy or 2. She said that she didnt think i was gay and that This is just a phase...
For some reason i know this isnt a phase, I wish my sister could believe me because shes the one i neded to turn to for help!
Also, I need my parents, but i dont want to tell them because they wouldnt see me the way they used too. Right now I dont really need my friends but a relative to talk to.
I've tried to give clues about my sexuality, and hopefully there catching on.
I asked them if it was a sin to be gay, and all that jazz.

StarLight's picture

I did the whole dropping hint

I did the whole dropping hints things, asking questions, and all that jazz with my parents as well. I came out to my sister first, assuming she'd be the one who was most ok with it, and that she would be the one most accepting. Not true. Our relatioship has suffered big time. Then, when i told my dad, I seriously had my stuff packed up cuz I was sure I woulf be kicked out of the house for good (not the biggest deal since I'm in college, but still heartbreaking.) It turned out that he was the most accepting and supportive. My mom had the stereotypical reaction parent's usually have. So, my advice to you - wait until you are ready to handle the consequences, cuz they may not be good. But also make sure that you do tell them sometime. This is who you are, and it's not going to change. It's not just a phase.

Good luck.

Zarylya's picture


My "coming out" wasn't that complicated...'cause half of my firends are lesbian, and my mother knew it...So, when I told her, she wasn't frustrated or disappointed at all, but she thinks I'm not on "that" side. My step father took it really bad, but he tries not to do comments that could hurt me...My real father is an homophobe, so I won't tell him for now, anyway, I see him twice a year...So I tell you, maybe your parents will understand it, but maybe they'll hurt you too, and it's something I think you'll have to tell them anyway... That's it, dear! Good luck!

Paladin's picture


I would have recommended telling your parents before telling the whole school. Since everyone else knows, I think you have to tell them, because they deserve to hear it from you before from someone else.

I didn't drop any hints, because there was nothing I could do to suggest that I was gay which would be the kind of thing I would do. If I was to change the pitch of my voice, pierce my right ear and wear tight, bright clothing, then they would think I had gone mad, and I would make it seem like being gay is something more than just liking guys. Anything more subtle than that and they missed it entirely. Although I did argue with my dad on gay marriage about a week before. I don't think it occurred to him that I was gay though, becuase I generally have liberal views that to him seem "radical".

I also had concerns that they might not pay for me to go to uni, but I decided that it wasn't very likely. Even if I had really misread them that badly, I knew that my brothers would hate them for life if they tried to screw me up like that.


NovaCat's picture

Technically, my parents guess

Technically, my parents guessed correctly rather than me having come out to them. But that's because the "hints" that I dropped were completely accidental. I had no idea that my parents (well, really just my Mom) thought I was gay. I would say your safest bet at this point would be to consider what your parents' views are on the whole subject. If they're very homophobic/conservative/fundamentalist, then it would be best not to say a word, and to make sure no one else does either. However, if there's minimal or no risk that they would disown you on the spot, then the best thing you can do is just to sit them down (separate or together, I'm not sure that that really matters) and just tell them outright. If they need explanation or reasons or whatever, you'll just have to bear with it and explain what you're going through. Whatever you do, don't get mad if they're not accepting; it gives a very bad impression in their minds, like you don't like them or are trying to rebel or something. Just be open and honest.

Paladin's picture

If you don't mind me asking

What sort of hints did you drop that got them to figure it out?


l48765's picture

I have been dropping hints an

I have been dropping hints and i dunno if they have figured it out yet, but i think its obvious.

1) I had this gay pride iron on i wanted to put on a shirt and i left it in my wallet and let it go through the was (totally by accident). When it got wet it leached the rainbow and the immage of 2 stick men onto a bunch of my recipts. I came out for breakfast and saw them sitting on the table to dry, but the iron on was no where in site. I looked in the trash can under a balled up paper towel and there it was. That scared me because it was my first thing my mom found.

2) I started watching will and grace almost religiously and got my mom into the show. I even forced my dad to watch an hour of it last night it was pretty funny because he didn't get alot of the lesbian jokes.

3) I made a rainbow key chain with beads.

4) I got a rainbow pin and an arm band and put them on my wall of cool things.

5) Pro gay marriage debat

6) Inviting gay friends over

7) Complaining about my stupid white trash aunt that has on 3 occasions told me how gross gay people are. I don't even see her often so when i do see her usually all she does is bitch about liberal people and homosexuals.

8) my family was watching TV and all of a sudden a Victoria secret commercial comes on. My mom says "eww thats sick, but i bet you and your dad like it" and i just give her a weird look . the next commercial was one with the broany (or how ever it is spelt) paper towels. I saw "mom i like this one alot more".


RoaG's picture

"mom i like this one alot mor

"mom i like this one alot more".


oh yeah, and you've definitely dropped hints. parents can be really dense when they see something they don't want to know about, though, so it's hard to say...

Ramblings of a Girl

Dassani's picture

Just a suggestion.....

You definitely have to be careful when it comes to the religious stuff. I know my mom, being a scary-over-devoted christian(that is mine and many others oppinion), still gives my older sister hell and brimstone over her coming out. Lucky for me I've kept quiet even though it's slowly eating me alive. I intend to tell her, after all I still believe in God and many of the views that go with that belief and I can't stand lying to her all the time. Still, I don't think God wants me going off and getting myself dissowned, he can put up with a few lies until I have a means by which to live that doesn't include my parents.... or theft.

You've also got to keep in mind that your parents are individuals. Your mom is one person and your dad is another, they can have completely different reactions to you. My dad didn't care that my sister was a lesbian and I doubt he'll care that I am too, but my mom had a seizure over it and I don't feel like going through all of that until I'm safely away in my own apartment.

Basically my advise is to take a good look at your folks, come up with a few possible scenarios and deside weather or not this is the time to tell them. Maybe it's best to tell one and keep the other in the dark, only you can make the choice in the end. I'll be praying for you, if that's ok, and I hope everything goes well.

"A soul is never black, just a darker shade of gray..."
*Still not sure if I was the first one to come up with that...*

Eegriaga's picture

I haven't told my parents yet

I haven't told my parents yet because I relly love them and I don't want them to be ashamed, I know that they will try to talk me out of it, because thats what happened uth my sis, but I think I'm going to try this month sometime I guess for a lenten (christian holiday) goal or something
and today i printed out a picture of a model and my mom saw it!
and Isaid it was for someone else but I think shes ketching on

"There are no flowers no not this time" AFI

kiarri's picture

Hard times

I haven't told my family either...I'm going to really soon but i have no...back up? lol. About 11 people at my school know i'm bisexual but...i dunno. I'm gonna stop being stupid. I mean i figure...theres no point in going up to people you barely know and telling them. So i kinda just...act like myself. If i say some girls hot, then maybe they'll ask..i won't deny'll be easier that way. I'm joining the GSA at my school soon too. Anyways, You should email me ( and we can help each other through it...and remember..

You dont HAVE to tell your may be better to wait until you have a place to stay too...just incase you get kicked out...I have my backup...Talk to you later!


kryingangel's picture

Coming out

A few weeks ago i found out that my cousin was gay. i don't look at him any different because of the fact that he is gay. i love him, and no matter what his sexual preference is, i will always love him because he is family. i think that you should sit down with your parents and tell them exactly how you feel, they may be a little shocked, but trust me they will get over it, and they will still love you and they won't look at you any different because they are your parents and they love you!!! Good Luck!

Barralai's picture

I having hard time too

See I am fathers olny son, and he always talks about when I'll get married and have kids, and raise a family etc....
I dunno, well umm yeah.
I am holding out on telling anyone till i am out of high-school (b/c i live in rebulican territory). Most of the people are socially accepting, but I still have gym right now, so yeahhhh cant come out right now, but thats cool i like feeling like i am bad-ass and all dark and secretive or something.
"I'm not bi, I'm just greedy"

screv's picture

peope fail to notice what is hiden in full view

she holds the pen that spells the end

mom_says_im_confussed's picture

im 14 i told my mum i was bi

im 14 i told my mum i was bi by writing a letter to he but she said i was confussed. make sure u r very sure about ur sexuality b4 u tell them. ok wat im really saying is write a letter to them and give it to them b4 u got to skool then they have time to think. they will understand after it doesn't change who u r. hope this helps

stewie's picture

i never really came out to my

i never really came out to my parents , but i would always have guys
come over and after i sucked them off i would'nt brush my
teeth afterwards. i would then go talk to my parents and
they would always look furious. i think they got the message
loud and clear. it helps that the guys i braught home
where classic queers-the girly type. i ask them just to be themselves
around my parents and when they do , surely enough - they
act even more queer! then i'd do the whole joking acting coy
play pushing their shoulder..stop silly, no you stop , no you stop..
then chase after them around the house. i did this all the time
as a kid. it would freak my parnets out. i would then leave
polaroids of my guy friends naked in my sock drawer along with my
gigantic dildos and fag mags.i braught girls home too-
soo i guess it kept them a little sane. at least i wasn't completly
gay ...but being such a manwhore isn't like it's better or anything!!
actions speak louder then words to me, i love to meet new people
and then throw in a comment like.. damn , he's hot...
then soon enough, they will ask...dude are you gay..
then i'll be like..why ..are you gonna ask me out?...
most of the time , they already like me so they don't really care.

firedragon922's picture

Definitely don't do what I did

I'll tell you what not to do (what I did) and then what i think you should do.

1) I told my mom first. Sure, she accepted me, but it wasn't exactly the best thing, especially after she found my entire arm completely engulfed in scars. Then she told my dad... without my knowledge. I finally found out after 5 months at a lunch. So yeah

2) What I think you should do is talk in private with BOTH of your parents. Calmly sit them down, and tell them. Oh, and don't do it in the car... while driving. Last thing we want to happen is a car accident.