Narcissistic tendencies, confusing German

Paladin's picture

I've decided to divide this post up into two parts.

I: My narcissism

Please forgive me if I seem like a proud ass here. I'm literally becoming more and more narcisstic. It began with me noticing how a slightly sweaty shirt that I had been wearing actually smelled nice, so that I would want to put it to my face and inhale. I think it's probably the deodourant I use, more than anything else, but the same can be said of what I smell in other guys.

Now it's spread to looking at myself in the mirror. For some reason, I can get aroused by looking at myself in the mirror when I'm shirtless with a pair of jeans, or some other pair of pants. Anyone else had this happen? I'm guessing it's all this sexual/romantic frustration in me. In fact, my body image has gone up significantly over the past few months. I never had a negative perception of my body, but I never thought I looked this good either. Fortunately (or not), it doesn't begin to compare to the way I see other guys.

II: Schwul, Freund und Freund

Here's my German summary of events two nights ago, no doubt littered with errors because of my Anglocentric linguistic perspective. For a rough English translation, scroll down.

Vorgestern am Nacht ging ich mit ungefähr fünfzehn andere Leute vom Schule für eine Abendssen zu einer Kneipe in der Nähe von meinem Hause. Meine Deutschelehrerin hat es organisiert. Wir plauderten über viele Themen, aber wir sollten nur in Deutsch sprechen. Aber einige meines Freunden und Freundinnen (alles sind leider nicht meinen Liebster) könnten nicht gut Deutsch sprechen, und deshalb sprachen sie mehr Englisch als Deutsch. Anderes Freunden und Freundinnen, die da sind, konnten Deutsch besser als ich, aber sie sprachen nicht zu viel "Schwerbish" (danke Gott).

Irgendwie sprachen wir über schwule Leute. Plötzlich sagten alles, die bei meinem Tisch sind, "schwul" in alle ihre Sätzen. Ich verstehe was sie mit jenes Wort bedeuten, aber ich konnte nicht gut den Rest, der sagen sie, verstehen, und fast jeder Person bei meinem Tisch sprachen gleichzeitig über schwule. Es ist kompliziert weil fast alle Deutsche und Deutscher schwule sagen wenn sie homosexuell bedeuten, aber ich weiss nicht ob schwul derogatorisch ist, oder ob schwul ist das beste Wort auf Deutsch für "gay" auf Englisch.

Two nights ago I went with about fifteen other people from school for dinner at a restaurant near my house. It was organised by my German teacher. We talked on many things, but it was supposed to be all in German. However, some of my friends (none of whom are my lovers, unfortunately [in German there is ambiguity: when you say "Freund", you either mean boyfriend or friend and when you say "Freundin", you either mean girlfriend or friend]). Some other friends of mine there could speak better German than I, but fortunately they weren't too hard to follow.

Somehow, everyone got to talking about gay people. Suddenly, everyone at my table was saying "schwul" in all their sentences. I understood what the word meant (gay), but I couldn't understand the rest of they were saying, and almost every person at my table was speaking at once about gay people. It is complicated because almost all Germans say "schwul", I'm not entirely sure if it can be derogatory (like faggot), since nearly all Germans use it. I think a friend of mine talking about a German gay film about a gay American-Indian, but I think I probably messed up in intepreting that.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Post a shirtless pic and perhaps we would get a better idea if this is healthy for you to keep doing.

screv's picture

lol fair point

lol fair point

Agarwaen's picture

Wow. I thought I was the only

Wow. I thought I was the only one who liked inhaling my own scent. It's bad, it gets to the point where people start staring at me b/c I'm burying my face in my sleeve and sniffing and sniffing in the middle of a chem lecture. But accept the understanding/empathy of a fellow narcissist. I know how hard it is not to fall in love with yourself. o_0

polybigirl's picture

Well look at it this way... i

Well look at it this way... it certainly helps when you're masturbating! It may just be the testosterone in the sweat that you like. Just watch narcissism that doesn't turn into arrogance.

Hmmm, I wish we had a word that meant either friend/bf or friend/gf. It'd certainly make describing relationships easier for polys.

Children of a future age reading this indignant page know that in a former time love sweet love was thought a crime

- William Blake

Paladin's picture

.

Jeff: Post a shirtless pic and perhaps we would get a better idea if this is healthy for you to keep doing.

Give me exactly six months to get out of here (when uni starts), and maybe I will. Then again, maybe I won't.

Agarwaen: But accept the understanding/empathy of a fellow narcissist. I know how hard it is not to fall in love with yourself. o_0

Lol, I haven't thought of trying that, but I might. It will be interesting to see everyone else's reaction to it.

Polybigirl: It may just be the testosterone in the sweat that you like.

Never thought of that, but it sounds reasonable. I'm not going to analyse it too much anyway, since explaining homosexuality is difficult enough, what's more narcissism.

Dave