Queer, friends with a straight guy

Fan001's picture

Did you know that a straight guy cannot be friends with a gay guy. Strange Hey, but true.
I cannot understand why this is so, maybe insecurity, lack of stability, fear of interaction.
Their mind set is constantly, "oh i think he wants me". Oh and don't let his girlfriend find out that he has a gay friend. Oh there... starts the trouble!
Can someone perhaps help me here? I know is some cases a straight guy will be your friend
if his girfriend is somewhat your very close friend. They tend to accommadate you,
because of the girlfriend. So why go through all the trouble anyway.
What are straight men afraid of?
Do they have some weakness?
Does every man perhaps have a gay tendency?


jcarnby's picture

I'm not so sure...

My best friend is straight and has known about me for 2.5 years. As far as I can tell, he is straight and does not seem to be afraid of me.

Paladin's picture


Of the three friends of mine who know, two of which are guys, I can only suspect one of them (a guy) is acting a little different, and possibly feeling like my homosexuality is a barrier to our friendship. I think it's to do with guilt by association and fear of effeminate behaviour. In the minds of some guys, gayness is effeminate behaviour, almost by definition. That's probably how the phrase "That's so gay" became so common, and that's why we must challenge it. Some people can see beyond these things, but not every straight guy is that great.

It is their disadvantage as well as ours, for it means that they have to live a rigid lifestyle of making sure that nothing they do could ever be intepreted as being gay. Hugging, patting on the back and any other forms of physical contact are I think everyone theoretically has the capacity to love someone of the opposite sex, but not everyone will be attracted to the opposite sex. And lust is important in the beginning of a relationship.


Paladin's picture

Sorry, I left a sentence unfi

Sorry, I left a sentence unfinished so it ran into another.

"Hugging, patting on the back and any other forms of physical contact are deemed inappropriate because guys fear being called gay. I think everyone theoretically has the capacity to love someone of the opposite sex, but not everyone will be attracted to the opposite sex."


Fan001's picture

Let looks deeper

So Dave.

So how come two straight guys can touch, hold, hug each other. They play with each other like children etc. But let one be gay and the other be straight, theres a problem. That straight guy won't play with the gay one as he does with the straight one. You can just about touch him and he freaks out. O and heres the glorious part of it all, very ironic. Let the straight be very drunk, and he has no problem in touching anybody. From my point of view, I know I do not like to be touched because I kinda have my G spot in my skin. That sense of touch sends an embrasive vibration to my brain which is a major turn on. But based on this, you cannot say everybody out there has the same tendencies.

I am not fighting the problem but merely trying to understand it. Men have nothing to feel inferior about their counterparts, but they do. No stays no. I mean really

PS:Free ain't free until you free from fear.

Paladin's picture

Yes, exactly. For a guy to to

Yes, exactly. For a guy to touch another guy is clearly a natural thing, once he gets over his inhibitions. And yeah, sometimes I also react pretty excitedly to another guy touching me a lot. I'm sure that not all guys react this way, but I think that even some "straight" guys do. You might say that that is a criterion to consider them bi or gay. But regardless of whether they do feel it like us or not, and whether they're gay or not, homophobia means that guys simply cannot do that. Because we get turned on by it, they get scared to touch each other.

Homosexuality is poorly defined, because the line between sexual, romantic and Platonic (friendly) attraction is poorly defined. I find it hard enough to distinguish between them, what's more set boundaries on where they lie. I think that separating them apart can limit what should really be treated as two motivations - the need for acceptance and the need to have sex. If we look at it that way, then nearly all guys have homosexual-homosocial tendencies.


Vince's picture

My straight guy friend, has k

My straight guy friend, has known that i am gay for years, we are close, we can hug and talk about my boyfriends, and his girlfriends he has no problem with it what so ever... i guess not all of us are that lucky.