you never know just how alone you are until your left out..

ledworldnuke's picture

Today was embarassing/deppresing for me. Our school has days where a random speaker will come and talk to us about a major issue and then
the high school debates and talks about it. So The bell rang and we were
all leaving when my teacher grabs me by the shoulder and makes me
hang back. Apparantly they didn't want me to go to this one.. I didn;t
know why.. i thought i might have been in trouble.. and they never told
me.. so i waiting in class.. and just wrote a bit.. read a book.. Then
lunch came and everyone at the meeting got to go out to eat where as i had
to eat from the cafeteria.. all alone.

Its really wierd to sit in a cafeteria when its completely empty.. i mean..
the thing can hold 400 kids and i had it all to myself. One of teachers
came and sat with me at one point (he had to stay and watch me so i wouldnt
get in trouble..) and i asked him why they didn't want me to go.. He was
quiet for a while.. then tld me that todays debate thing was about keeping
homosexuals out of the churches in this area.. Heh.. I dont think I've ever
felt more alone than right there in that moment.. It was one of those wierd
cold feelings that seep down into your spine and makes you want to cry but
your too numb to even move..

Mr. Dune (the teacher) decided since no one else was around that i could
drive into town and get a movie.. I never really got that far.. i Just went
out to my car and waiting in the cold (its was snowing) and thought about
a few things..

I dont think i'm going to school tommorow.. i dont want to hear everyone
talking about it.. i dont want people to start making fun of me again..
I dont want to fight anyone anymore.. I'm sick of being the only one in
the school who feels this way.. i'm just sick of it..

hope everyone else had a good day


Jazzer's picture


Sorry to hear about the shitty incident at school, sweetie. Everybody involved is way out of line (except you, of course).

I'm curious why your school was having a discussion about this. I could understand if it were discussing BOTH sides of the issue, but you don't make it sound like that was the case.

If you're at a private school, then unfortunately, that's just how things are. But if you're in a public school, then it sounds like you've got reason to cause a stir. If it were me, since I'm a couple of years older and much more bitter than you, I'd contact the ACLU and see what they think about this. The world doesn't have to accept who and what we are, but they *WILL* learn to respect us.

But that's just me.


Some people's kids...I tell ya!

magickgashes's picture

That's crap you poor thing im

That's crap you poor thing im so sorry you have to put up with that. You should go back to school though stand up for yourself. Don't let that stuff silence you.

"One day you will come up to me and ask me which is more important, you or my life, i will say my life, and you will walk away never knowing that you are my life."

Aedyn's picture

That sounds horrible. One of

That sounds horrible. One of those nightmares you think about when you think about coming out to everybody in school.

And, yes, I know how you must feel, alone and scared. But really, you're not alone. I'm pretty sure there's a good number of kids who feel the same way but aren't strong enough to let their voices be heard. It's a burden you shouldn't have to bear. But really, ducking out of school would let them take over more.

I wish you all the luck in the world, and if it's any consolation I'm rooting for you right here. Please, stay strong. Don't let idiots like that bring you down.

You can never beat time, but you can sure put up a hell of a fight.

polybigirl's picture

Grr that is absolutely dispic

Grr that is absolutely dispicable, if it were me I don't think I would have been able to control my anger. I mean debating the issue is one thing, but keeping you out so you can't reflect a homosexual viewpoint is unfair. It makes the debate rediculous as they'd clearly decided on exclusion before it even began. I hope some of the other students stood up for equal rights. Yeah, I'd kick up a stink *obscenity obscenity obscenity*

Children of a future age reading this indignant page know that in a former time love sweet love was thought a crime

- William Blake