before I say nothing

the mouse that roared's picture

Listen, I need to talk to you.
I haven't been talking to anyone in a while and I'm sort of overwhelmed with a whole lot of things--
I just need someone to listen, someone to care, hug, advise
Listen, I--
I guess it starts with--
See, it's like--
I mean, I'm--

Bisexual.

Just spit out the word, spit it out. Just say it. It's three syllables. Only one if you want. But they might mishear you if you only say "bi" in that quiet voice of yours, and then you'd have to say it again--

I'm bi, and--

Just two letters, one word. Two dangerous, reactive, incriminating letters. It's a label, a stupid label. I don't want them to look at me and only see a label after, look into my two uncertain eyes and only see two letters, such a little word.

Maybe I'm just queer...
A bisexual who doesn't like guys.

A lesbian, then?

Oh, I just don't know what to tell you, don't know what to say. How will you react? Will you hate me? Think I'm gross because I'm this kind of different? What if *I* think *you're* gross? But no, that's not allowed. Don't want to reciprocate prejudice.

Will you understand? No, of course you won't. You can't. A one-in-ten chance you might know something of what I'm thinking right now. If you've started questioning at all.

I'm not straight. Not really.

Oh, you say as silently as I think. OK. No big deal. Why are you so worked up about it? Why are you crying? And I feel deflated, though I should feel relieved. I feel a little happy, I suppose.

Why can't I accept you, too?

Comments

starry_blue's picture

Totally

That's really deep. I feel like that all the time. I hate that feeling. I just want to be me and people to see me, not who I loke. Ya kno!

*This is ALL Me*

niks121997's picture

...

This was very touching. I realize that you weren't speaking to me, but I'll be that person who advises, listens, cares, and hugs you. I have much love to spread around.

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

PROBLEM_CHILD's picture

cool

That was cool.really deep I like deep it seems that's the only time truth comes out.Well deep sucks at times anywayz hope u find that person and everyone here apparently listen.

I want to cry but my pride won't let me.

taste the rainbow's picture

a very interesting read, you'

a very interesting read, you're very bright you know? i hope all goes well for you.

the mouse that roared's picture

Aw thanks

:)