Bleh

tarni's picture

Being sick sucks. I had to stay home from Work Experience today(I wasn't that interested in going, but at least I would have had something to do) because I've got this god-awful cough that won't fucken go away! It kept my mum up last night, even though I slept through it. Weird. But anyway, she knocked on my door after I switched my alarm to snooze and told me to go back to sleep because I wasn't working today.

So that sucks. I've spent all day hanging around the house, trying to get some energy to get moving, do something at least. The most I've done is put my clean clothes away and hung out a load of washing for mum. Joy. I also have eaten about three bites of a pear all day, and it's evening now. I'm starting to get hungry, but I don't want to eat. Bleh.

Besides that, I've been on the questioning train again. Y'know, the one that when we get off we pray furvently that we won't get back on it again? That questioning train.

Lately, I've been wondering whether I'm more lesbian than just general queer. I don't like labels, it means people can put you into boxes and ignore you, and I've used queer instead of any other description most of the time since I first started questioning, but... Well, I've just been thinking. I'm currently 'with' a guy right now, but over the internet, Australia-America difference. And I really do like him, although since I realised that and told him he's been a little pressuring, but nothing major. However, it's his personality I love, not his body. I love his hair- it's long, and blond, and adorable. The rest of him... guys bodies just don't turn me on.

Girls, on the other hand... I go to an all-girls school, so I'm surrounded by them all the time. Not attracted to any of them there, but still. But if I glance across at a girl on the other side of the street, or in a shopping centre, or anything like that... they're beautiful. Girls are all curves, while guys are harsh straight edges. Girls are sensitive, and most of the time are on a similar level to you. Girls are just... wow.

But I love him. For his personality. And I don't want to let that go.

So what the hell do I do?

Tarni

Comments

Sirens call's picture

Kind of the same thing...

I was in a similar situation recently...except with a girl. I met her here on Oasis, she lives in the same town as me, and we just got to talking on msn...every night lol, for hours and hours. Then we met, she asked me out, I said yes because I thought she was great.
However, after a while I started to realise that I wasn't 'physically' attracted to her. I mean, she's a girl and I love girls, I loved her personality...but I just knew it wasn't enough, and it wasn't fair to her...so I worked up the courage and broke it off with her...and we're still friends fortunately :)

~Morgasm~

Daisy's picture

I totally know how you feel..

I totally know how you feel... The first time my boyfriend and I went out, I came home with this feeling like, "Wow, I had an amazing time... But he's... male." For awhile I was really kind of scared that it would be too much for me, after the last guy I was with. But after we'd been out some more, and made out a few times, it just sort of... Dissappeared.

"When that sonuvabitch puts his hands on her, you should tell yourself he's putting his hands all over you"

the mouse that roared's picture

Me too

about the re-questioning part. And about girls and guys. It used to be that all I would have to do was see my old crush Alan and I'd know that I liked some guys, but since I have (thankfully) mostly gotten over him, it's back to girls...

I guess I've decided, as my cousin has put it, to stop trying to label myself and just take it one person at a time...