confusion confusion...

zoe rose's picture

kill me...
so yesterday i was lying around writing love poems- i admit it, i was.
and now im all confused again because im liking guys less and less every day- when i think back to adrian, my ex, i get almost disgusted for kissing him...
it just doesnt seem right anymore..
like, just...agh, i cringe at the thought...
and then i think back to sophie and me...and it doesnt feel bad or wierd, but it seems just how its supposed to be...
and i think i still like guys...but nothing about them seems appealing...
even things like just having their arms around me doesnt seem that great, when usually that what i mostly long for...the protection of arms around my waist...but now...when i think about it...
i think of a girl holding me...
and then i think about anne, and i cant stand it- because i know im falling for her, and its so hard...
considering she lives in california and i in texas...and i've never even seen a picture of her...
not like it matters...its her attitude and...everything about her that im really in love with...
i admire her a lot...for her differentness...and i wish i could think thats what this was...
just a person that i really admire, and love...as a friend
but theres the fact that seeing the friendly, love you at the end of her emails gets my heart soaring and it beats just a tiny bit faster than before...
and the fact of how it jumps when i see shes sent me something...
abd i dont want to be fallign for a girl ive never met...
its way too painful to imagine..
but im not imagining it..
its all way too real.
so now im just hoping that my mom wont freak when i tell her that i like girls..
i really really really hope she doesnt...
if she were on my side, if she accepts it, i might have a little cloud of hope back at my side...
which would be really nice...you know?

Comments

Jopurdy's picture

If you do decide to tell your

If you do decide to tell your mom, do the woman a favor and ease her into it. If there is one thing I am learning about my mom it is that if I had maybe just slowly bit by bit clued her in, helped her out a little bit more, she may not have gone off the deep end quite like she did. Maybe if I had taken the time, she would have understood how important to me and she would have tried to understand...but now i won't know what would have happened if i had done it like that. anyways, good luck. and be gentle with her--your mom, that is. it is a touchy subject for them. I guess it shouldn't be too much of a shocker that most mothers' don't hold their babies in their arms and think--"Oh, God, I hope she is a lesbian/bi and I hope she finds the woman of her dreams someday..." but that doesn't mean that she won't accept you. And that doesn't mean that she won't be able to come to terms with it. I believe that all mothers' for the most part just want what is best for their daughters. And I do believe she wants you to be happy. good luck.

If it's a sin to love you
Then in hell i'd rather be
Opposed to living a life with people
In heaven looking down on me