crumbling under pressure

Tjedza's picture

this world is eating my soul away... its going to leave me with nothing.

"My life is pain, a consumptive pain that saps my strength and will, wracking my chest and twisting my gut, driving me to madness and from that madness to the futile strength that comes from a body soaked in opiate dreams. The brilliance of my eyes in the mirror only echoes the brilliance of my mind as the three ghostly ladies of my dreams labor over me, dancing gaily, mocking me. "

Everyone wants something from me.
everybody seems to be under the sick impression that i exist to serve them. "chidz do this, chidz do that, chidz say this, chidz wipe my ass.." I NEED A VACATION. i'm working a 9 to 5 for the world with no pay, no vacation, no appreciation, no job security even ( shit i could just die- like this... this is killing me).

even though i've been hurt- hmm in the most hurtful of ways when my chick left me ( damn)
i want to fall in love again.
i want to feel that excitement and thrill and WOO HOO factor that is a component of that love that i neeeed.

The lover wants what it does not have.

It is by definition impossible for him to have what he wants. If... as soon as it is had...

... it is no longer wanted.

oh well...

i wanna do art- i never should have quit art- i'm an artist, but instead of continuing with art in school i did Latin. i wanted to feel smart- art was not 'smart' ( according to my parents and the school i go to- damn i hate private school).
ugh. i did latin. why???

Ah pressure.

i'm so exhausted.

it hurts to blink.

physically exhausted- i never get a moment's rest.
emotionally exhausted- i just been through sooo much.
mentally fatigued-i just cant think another thought you know, even my speech is slurred.

Pressure.

Comments

Jopurdy's picture

Private school sucks. It's ha

Private school sucks. It's harder than public school, and people just expect more from you. If you can't hack it, get yourself kicked out. I mean, you have to find out what the real world is like someday. Anyway, just my advice. I hated private school, so i got kicked out, now I'm happy again. But i guess it all depends on the person. good luck.

If it's a sin to love you
Then in hell i'd rather be
Opposed to living a life with people
In heaven looking down on me