i dont like this life that much...

zoe rose's picture

i thought this life would be fun, i remember sixth grade when i was happy and carefree and stupidly obsessive about my first crush...some random guy i probably didnt even like, probably was just pretending to like because my best friend did...but i mean, i was just so naive and so innocent and didnt know about the joys and the horrors of drugs and alcohol...now, its only what...two years later and ive done so many stupid things...which ARE fun, which DO ake my life so much more interesting...but at the same time...i remember how i didnt ever really regret anything, i didnt worry about what people thought of me, my god...i was so much kinder than...
but i kind of like myself more now...im not quite as shy...im not such a goody-goody and i am interesting for once...i know how to have fun...
but at the same time..
AGH you know what? this is all jessie's fault (my old friend)- see, i was talking to her a while ago about this party id had with my friends and she was saying how i need to think about everything before i do it and i dunno it made me so down on myself because she was going on about how she didnt think what i was doing was really ME...but i mean, i hadnt talked to her for like two months and i rarely see her anymore, so how can she know who i am anymore??? she even asked me if i was SURE if i was bisexual...i mean, GOD, you KNOW when you like girls or not, you KNOW! It felt like she was homophobic or something and it was wrong to be bi...she was just being so wierd and it mad eme feel sooo horrible and i was almost crying by the time i hung up. because i should know better than her who i am and everything, right???
because i KNOW i like girls...more than guys half the time...i mean, god, of course im SURE.
agh...it just pisses me off that she would doubt me and agh, i need to scream...
aaaah.
bleh i feel sick.
im such a horrible person arent i?
i talk and blame all my friends for my problems and agh...but it IS her fault that im all down and doubting myself right now...
i had to call elise after i hung up and she cheered me up- she was like, zoe, dont worry, WE'RE your friends now and then we talked about good shit and bad shit and then i told her that i still liked sophie and...
i dunno...bleh i hate this life, this WORLD this STUPID FUCKING CORPORATIONIZED GLOBALIZED COMMERCIALIZEDWORLDand i just HATE IT and i know this is now totally off my original topic but AGH I JUST WANT TO SCREAM...
but i think my mom would think im crazy, oh wait, she already does...i just wonder what shed think if she knew i was bi or that i liked girls...
ARGIPOOH.
and on top of everything i cant stop thinking about sophie...

Comments

screv's picture

remeber: its good to be bad.

remeber: its good to be bad. you are who you are. its your life anyway and yes life is a rite kik in the face. but hey, what els is ther to do?

zoe rose's picture

i guess... life is hell.

i guess...

life is hell.
enjoy it while you can.

_justme_'s picture

take it with sugar

this is what I got for ya. just take it with sugar. don't worry about what going to happen, because it will. the world is full of stuff good and bad. so don't overload yerself. deal with what u got and have fun w/ the rest of the time till the next stop
"whatever happens here, at least I know I got it being me"