Am I the only 18 year old that hasnt came out yet?

MisguidedFool's picture

Hey all,

I was just wondering what age people have came out at?!
I'm 18 and I still havent told anyone at all..
I'm not quite sure what to do to be honest. My mum has always said she would be supportive and accept it (whats to except?!) if I was gay but recently she has been saying things like 'oh its good you have a boyfriend, at least your dad knows you arent gay' so I guess I've just been having these 'flings' with boys to avoid questions.. but it never works out, for obvious reasons.

Anyone have a similar problem?

tastetherainbow's picture

as lonq as your comfortable...

u noe, it doesnt really matter at what aqe you come out... as lonq as your comfortable with yourself, who cares who noes!? all that matters is that your okay with beinq what you are and that you have come to terms with yourself. *BTW, i came out @ 16 ;)*


Bluesong's picture

same here

I came out @18 to some of my relatives... I'm still not really out yet, I have only told my friend and I found out she was bi too.^^ So you are not alone...

"I choose to be myself no matter what the world says I should be."

Improv's picture


I am just starting to come out and Im going to be 18 this november. There difinatly isn't any age that ppl always come out at. Its a life long process which one takes at their own pace. I know you've probably waited for several reasons because I know I have. But like me i bet you just feel that the time is right for yourself. If you need someone to talk to just post to me.

taste the rainbow's picture

Well, I'm 16 right now, and s

Well, I'm 16 right now, and still not out. however I think I might end up coming out (to more than a couple of people) sometime hopefully within the next year or two.

"What they don't know can't hurt them

but it sure as hell can hurt me"

MisguidedFool's picture

Yeah I guess...

I guess it doesnt really matter if anyone knows - sounds good coming from someone else! I am comfortable with who I am.. I've just heard too many bad stories about people coming out and I know how much of a hard time some people have had. At the moment I just dont think there is anyone I trust enough to tell.. and I havent really met any like minded people.
Thanks for the advice :)

KieBem81's picture

no youre not :)

i came out recently to my parents and im 19 :)

"If you love someone, tell them for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken"

1 in 3 women think of having sex or experimenting with other women

"Should I smile because we're friends or frown because thats all we'll ever be?"

cnn* :)

niks121997's picture

I'm 19

I'm 19, 20 in a few days, and only one person knows. So nope you're not alone.

"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we get and are thankful that it is no worse than it is."

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

bulldyke's picture

not me, but...

i can't speak for myself, but my aunts' stories might help. myra didn't come out to anyone until the day she split with her husband of 3 years (she's bi). and ida, her partner of 28 years, didn't even know what the word lesbian meant until she was 25. but she knew she was different. she didn't have words for it, but she knew. and she didn't come out until she was 30. so no, you're not alone. good luck!

"I can't even think straight!"
"Keep your laws off my body!"

cksb2222's picture

im also 18 and only the girl

im also 18 and only the girl i was with knows. i actually have no desire to say anything to anyone.. that might be weird but im ok with where i stand now. no worries.. everything will happen in its own time.

MisguidedFool's picture


Just wanted to thank you for your comment ... its very encouraging because I feel the same way - I have no desire to tell everyone - I'd just like one person to know - someone I can trust so that I have someone to talk to about it every so often.
Thanks again!
MF x

Sirens call's picture


I came out to my best friend first, last year when I was about 16 and a 1/2, then I didn't come out to anybody else really until this year, aged 17. I also told my parents this year, although I wasn't planning to yet. But you're definitely not the only closeted 18 year...


Barium's picture

You might be or you might not

You might be or you might not be. Remember, there are probably other closet case 18 year olds out there. that explains the homosexuals that are married to the opposite sex eh? Also, if there is an 18 year old in the closet you wouldn't know because there in the closet anyways so they won't tell you.

Eegriaga's picture

Might wanna start thinkin bout it

I came out at 12... lol

good luck to you

I want Cristian

Skittlez's picture

i just came out

hey i am 18 also.. just turned 18 but i came out already to my friends and family and my family now treat me as if i am dirt but all of my friends are supportive and i am happy about that. coming out isnt easy and i didnt want to not to my family because I knew what would happpen but my step-father was in my room going in my stuff and he found a letter from my girlfriend so then i just told them about me and well the rest is history.

Barralai's picture

Their is probably someone lik

Their is probably someone like you
"Does the Walker choose the Path, or does the Path choose the Walker?"

Y - GuRl's picture


Hey you're not alone! I'm 18 and not out to anyone, I guess I'm not ready to tell anyone yet.. and plus I'm still figuring out who I would tell first. You don't need to rush it if you don't feel it's the right time. Good luck :D

aviva's picture

17 going on 18 in a 3 months

I haven't come out. Don't want to get beaten up, arrested or have my grandparents and relatives never speak to me again. Don't intend to come out...maybe ever, or at least until I move to a more tolerant country. "One's real life is so often the life one does not lead" -Oscar Wilde. My mum's just like yours. I used to do what you do, date guys to carry on the pretense, but I always eneded up breaking their hearts coz I just had to dump them for my girlfriend, whenever we hooked up again. You can't hide forever - you don't have to string up a rainbow flag, but you have to be honest to yourself.

Anyway, what do I know? Just sharing my thoughts.

Signed: "You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same."

"Well behaved women never make history."

kayshell's picture


Have you come out to any friends or someone you have a crush on? I can understand the family thing but if no one else knows how do you expect to hav any realtionships?

Paladin's picture


I came out to my parents just before I turned 18 and told several other people. They've since placed a moratorium on any future coming out to any others. Selfish bastards.


QuakerOats's picture

ur definitely not alone. I h

ur definitely not alone. I have 2 aunts who were married for years and had kids in college before they got divorces and ended up in lesbian relationships.

lucky girl's picture


im 15 now, but ive kinda decided that i wont really come out until im out of the house...

Tjedza's picture

out out

i'm 18 and have been in the closet up until now
but i WANT OUT!
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred"

Lit From Inside's picture

Some people

I guess everybody's security level is different, I came out to my closest friends when I was thirteen, my parents the next year, and this year I'm working on the rest of the world. But that's just me. Different people flow differently.

tony-2244's picture

I'm 18

I’m 18, and only out to a few friends. I don’t know when I’ll tell my parents, but I guess I have to someday right? But then again it’s your life live with in your comfort zone for as long as you want, age has nothing to do with that. There is no age limit on closet-ness; it’s all about what you want from life.

I know all about the mom thing too, my mother drops comment like those of your mother. When the time comes to tell her, i think she'll be supportive. At least I hope so!

Don't worry about it, you have already taken the first step, you told us. ; )

"Some of us hover and we weep for the other who die'en since the day they were born" -Lisa Loeb

kayshell's picture


HI! i'm kayshell. When I came out to my friends at school, I was in the 10th grade so I was roughly 14years old. I just recently came out to my family about a year ago( I was 16 1/2). It has been pretty rough at home but it will all work out. Have you have had any serious realtionships yet? If you haven't, I would hold off until you have that way you really know, and if you family and/or friends try to tell you that you are not, you have that self confidence and can tell them that you really know. that is what i did.

w8tin4life's picture

well, lets see. im ashley an

well, lets see. im ashley and i didnt come out till about a year ago. i had to admit it to myself first. that took me years, then when i finally admitted to myself i was a lesbian i blew the door off the closet. i told everyone. im not much in being shy and hiding it. i used to have flings with guys so my parents never found out but... eventually it was being a hassle. i hated being in a relationship or even fooling around with men. it felt so natural to be with a women. i hope you find your way. if u need to talk message me

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

Icarus's picture


Only people I've come out to are my two sisters and they have been so supportive of me. Other than that, I'm scared witless of coming out. I live in a very Christian enviroment, and while I've attempted to tell at least my mom I'm gay, all she says is, "Well, you know, all girls your age go through this. It's just a phase."

Wow mom, that's a mighty long phase, considering it's been going on since I was about eight.

I'm not ADD, I just have better things to think about.

You might never find out that you are useful for all the right reasons - and not all those stupid things that people tell you you're useful for. --Angelina Jolie

rowie's picture

dont worry about it, at least

dont worry about it, at least you know you're gay - thats the first thing. generally ive found girls (in the UK at least) come out a bit later than boys.

--would the last one out please shut the door--

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**