I only have one life to live - one chance to get it right. I don't have TIME to be pleasing other people. I have only this one opportunity to be worthy of your love.
Tonight I was talking to someone who shall remain nameless -selekta- and she said that we all have a pleasure threshold - ie there is a limit to how much pleasure we can tolerate. I'm obsessed with a concept that I thought up in a former life when I was Kahlil Gibran: "the pain of too much tenderness".
I've been feeling like I'm going to die from all this pleasure and contentment and all this love I feel for my girlfriend. At times I just lay on my bed rereading messages and sighing... Sometimes I think about her and I just can't take it coz I'm so happy and if something went wrong I'd, I'd just... That's why I have to do something. I have to show her what she's doing to me. I have to make her feel this love I feel for her. She needs to understand in every crevice of her soul and every inch of her skin that she is loved. And that everything she is is everything i want, and everything my heart was crying for. I know I'll fail dismaly, but I've got to try. I've got to be worthy of her time, of her presence, of her love. If I do nothing else in my life, and all I ever do is love her, that'll be enough for me. That'll rank up there with landing on the moon, getting women the vote, ending apartheid etc (... because you know, my girl's a difficult woman and loving her's a mission! lol:) But seriously now - she deserves the best, that woman. She deserves my all. After all we have been together for 2 bloody long years.
"No one loves you more than me, and no one ever will." -Lauryn Hill
You know that word 'lovesick'? I think that's what I am. Cause I'm definitely sick with SOMETHING... I keep moping and sighing. Lord, can I sigh! It's so unattractive. And if she isn't there, I don't care about what's going on, I'm just thinking about her until I can touch her, see her, hear her, smell her, taste her again. My senses only respond to one stimulus. It's like all the time we are together physically we're making love, but when she leaves there's a part of me that's still making love to her. Our whole relationship is the suspense, the sweet agony of waiting for another kiss - another shiver - another embrace. If we're in public together, on two opposite sides of the room she's undressing me with her eyes and I'm tasting her with sideways glances. Anyway, I'm making it sound far less romantic and more melodramatic than it is.
God I'm pathetic. God, I don't care.
Okay, Oasis.... Goodnight. Tell selekta I miss her and I'm sorry for mentioning her in every post etc. Promise never to mention her again.
Okay, just one last time - I love you selekta!
For all of you who just puked your way through this - I told you not to read it!