purple.play's picture

Fear never escaped my mind. Although my bruise was gone, the experience did not die. It was playing in my head continuously. I could never sleep in the dark; it was too frightening for me. I could not stand being alone; the thought was haunting me. The world was not safe anymore. I hid myself in my own shell for a long time; I could not stand it any longer. It was up to me if I would sink or swim.

Often times I see myself trapped in a whirlpool for a long time that I could not move forward. I dwell on things that already happened and could never get a result, because I forgot what I really wanted. I was trapped in the events of the past that I kept on obsessing about it. I know that I could not change that past or the future, but I could alter my behavior and attitude toward a certain situation. Doing nothing out of fear is actually a decision that would not secure a well result. Uncomfortable and terrifying events made me reclusive. My imaginations had powerful effects on me like that of real events. My mind would imagine or fantasize situations that were unreal, making my body believe that danger actually existed. Confinement in the boundaries of fear was not what I wanted. I want to feel the sun on my face; I want to be free.