I have made this decision

Lit From Inside's picture

Coming out, I am. To the world, and school. I'm not changing my mind. I am sick of keeping part of myself a secret, so I'm not going to do it any more. Anyone at school on monday, assumes I like guys, makes a bitchy gay joke, "Scusemoi, yeah, you. I don't know why you think that's funny, and I could just say that I'm offended for moral reasons, but it gets personal, because I'm bi. Oh, don't raise your eyebrows that way, and no, I'm not just saying that to 'be an individual', it's actually the way I am." (Yes, I do feel the need to defend myself, cut me some slack, it's hard to be the one of very few who bother not to dress and act like everyone else at the school, and in defending my actions, I have realized, the people I go to school with understand you better when you're in their faces, and when you affirm who you are) or something like that. I already put it in my autobiography, which my English teacher has requested that I read excerpts from at an assembly on Tuesday. My research paper for Umbridge is about homophobia and gay bashing in american schools. I'm out to my family (brother, father, mother), councelor and closest friends. Why not let everyone else know. I know that some people will take it the wrong way (my queer-ness), and all the ignorant people I know (and some who I don't) will whisper about me, play cruel jokes on me, and who knows what else, but I can deal with all that crap. I get stuff like that every day because of my opinions, clothes, and the way I dye my hair. I'm done hiding, seriously. But I could use some support, if anybody ends up being really offended by who I am. I guess you never know in this country. Especially in a snooty little private school, grades 6-12, 350ish students, but then again, maybe I'm wrong. Probably not, the last girl to come out at derryfield tried to commit suicide twice, ended up being on drugs, and had to transfer schools. I'm scared, but I need to do this. For me. So I'm coming out.

Comments

Daelus's picture

Scary.

Go you! You're really brave to do that.
Another quote I found somewhere on here:
"Throw caution to the wind and watch your life
begin."

That's sounds awful, what happened to that
other girl. Homophobes can be so cruel.

"When you can't run, you crawl, and when
you can't crawl, when you can't do that, you
find someone to carry you."

"If nothing we do matters, then all that
matters is what we do."

jeff's picture

Well...

It seems like the coming out will go much better if it isn't confrontational. It seems like you enjoy your differentness already and this will certainly kick it up a notch. But with that kind of attitude, there is a chance you will use your perception of their reaction to your sexuality to push people away from you, even before they have a chance to actually react on their own.

If you go into a situation ready to be a victim, it makes it a lot easier for people to step up to the roles you already have assigned to them in advance.

Good luck.

Lit From Inside's picture

I get it

I know, trust me, I know. I am confrontational becuase I am afraid of what people will think of me. Many people view me as not caring what they tthink, what anyone thinks, and just being myself. They're all wrong. I worry what people think of me all the time (despite knowing that this is unhealthy, it seems to be a somewhat unavoidable part of human nature) Just becuase I don't change myself for people, doesn't mean that I don't worry about what they think of the person that I am. I just don't worry about changing myself to please them. I have this big shell around myself, always ready to defend, and I don't really know how to make myself the victim. It's why I'm so good at arguing, I always defend myself, I'm afraid to be wrong. I push people away from myself all the time, I never mean to, but I find that declaring myself and being true to my nature is more important than having the support of people who can't accept me. I know ythat it doesn't make any sense, what I'm saying, and I know that I should be more agreeable, but that's another project, I'm working on it this summer. Containing myself and my need for declaration, my fear of losing, fear of vulnerablilty.

stewie's picture

i am the same way. i seriousl

i am the same way. i seriously can be soooooo mean and cruel if
i am provoked. i am a lil guy , bout 5'5 but all lean mean muscle
and i love it when a bigger person get's in my face over
some shit like this...how'd you like getting beat up by a queer!
bee yotch!!
seriouslly , i feel you. i am excalty the same way.
i am the sweetest and most gentle person, but no one
really knows that , except for the lucky few.
i push people away , attracting and repelling at the same time.
for all those people that talk shit...c'mon.
you can's stop them all , trust me. i thought i could too
when i was younger , i did'nt even make it out of the first
month of 8th grade...fights , tantrums , anger issues...
hence the name...lost angry youth!!
i hope it goes well for you. i hate that the media
portrays gays as some kind of faggy sissy boy mother fuckers.
cry babies and shit. i pray for the day all the gays , bi's ,and
lesbians have an uprising ,go crazy and stand their
ground and really fight for this movement and for it's cause.
i am tried of hearing people being killed , beaten and hated on...
forced to hide their true selves and fearing retaliation for
who they are.
for fucks sake...i can't wait for the day we all fight back..
i'll be the first one to lead the march... baseball bats ,
chains and all. fuck a peace march , i am here to bust some skulls.
spare me the "violence dosen't solve shit" speach..
i suppose wars where won and countries where forged on
peace talks and fag pride parades.god i am evil sometimes.
blow me!! kill all the oppressors i say.make them all suffer
like we have, and the one's before us.

the mouse that roared's picture

:)

Hello,
I haven't been on in a while and I remember how angry and lost you were when you first came on here, and you seem to be a bit happier. So I'm just happy for you... :)

Daisy's picture

Good luck! I hope things g

Good luck!

I hope things go as well as they possibly can.

---

These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days.

chevamartin's picture

good luck. i think youll have

good luck. i think youll have everyones luck. i wish i had your courage.

my vegetarian frog.
@_@

the mouse that roared's picture

*applause*

Congratulations! I wish I was coming out, too... (eventually i will, i suppose). I think that Jeff is right that a defensive mode makes you someone that needs to defend something. But I also can see that you have enough to deal with when coming out that changing the way you deal with people would be a little much...

Anyway, good luck with it all, and keep us posted!

Lit From Inside's picture

Ahh, yees

I explained the defense thing in response to his comment, check out what I said, if you haven't. Thanks so much, and I am feeling much better since I first came on oasis. Plus, I'm not sitting at home moping about feeling sick anymore!!!

chrys fluff gondros's picture

:hugs: good for you, when i

:hugs:
good for you, when i came out, i had loads of abuse, but i feel much the better for being in the open

Lit From Inside's picture

smiles

Dunke very much! I like the way you see things; it's like, you can face the outside abuse as long as you're being true to yourself (or at least face it more easily)! *hugs*
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Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes: he only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases. -Lewis Carroll, a man with little sense, and much imagination