lesbian bed death

4lifeorlove's picture

My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year, and we have had some trouble in bed. She has to have our strap-on to get her off, and it kindof upsets me. the vibrator is the only thing that can get her off, and I am not even a part of it. I just sit there. thrust hurts her, she can feel me eat her out, and my fingers supposedly make her sore. I am at a loss. i dont know what to do about it. I am at a loss. I read up on the lesbian bed death, which is where sex just isnt interesting any more, but it didtn really help me. She refuses to try anything new, and will not break out of her shell. Such as talk dirty, or tryanything at all. She wont tell me what she wants or what feels good. I just dont know how to make it better. Any suggestions would be good. I read a book called the low-down on going down, and those tricks dont work either? help!

jeff's picture


She doesn't have a problem getting off, you have a problem with HOW she gets off. Everyone is different. Some people only orgasm during oral, others need penetration. So, if she desn't get off on oral, you can read 20 books on it, it will just show you many new ways to be unable to get her off. You need to work on acknowledging that you aren't failing her by not being able to get her off. Instead, find a way of talking with her to play a role in her pleasure.

But, the main person you need to be talking with is her. Not when you are in bed, in the moment. Tell her your concerns, and that it is putting a strain on your relationship.

You might be worried about her coming, when ultimately, the relationship might be going.

Tjedza's picture

jef ffor president

wow, watchout dr. phil jeff in the house - with wordplays and alll.

hey yeah i agree with jeff to a certain extent though- i feel that however/ whatever it is that you and your partner discuss the sex issue, it all comes down to accomodating/compromising 4 each other-
and if compromise starts to hurt/make you yawn/get you anxious-
then maybe you should call it quits ( for a while/for good) before you end up hating each other.

"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred"

TeeAhr1's picture

well put, jeff [nt]

[nt]no text[/nt]

poetry nymph's picture


i have a book on sex, on heterosexual sex, me of all people, but still, it did have this section on fourplay and erogenous zones. maybe she doesn't know her own personal zones, although im really starting to find out that some people dont have any, but for instance, mine, oddly enough are my sides, the book described something between partners, where you kind of just explore each others bodies to try to find your biggest zones, like i mean this is quite personal but maybe this will help, my sides get me off more than between my legs does sometimes, so maybe she has some hidden area on her body that will awaken something she isn't aware of holding inside. everyone supposedly has three major zones, the ears, the naval, and of course the obvious groin, but there are others, like ive heard of some people being able to get off having someone lick the back of their knees. it sounds weird, but i think its just that some people have particular spots with extra sensitive nerves or something. ah well. maybe you just need some before time, goodness knows i have no idea because i dont really know you but thats the only thing i could think of to say and i wanted to say something.
i hope that helps.
poetry tiff

" Such sights as youthful poets dream
On summer eve by haunted stream."
-John Milton
"To see a World in a Grain of Sand
And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,
Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand
And Eternity in an hour."
-William Blake

unicornz's picture


i suggest oral stimulation + g-spot (it exists) vibrator?? seems good to me!