I wasn’t always like this, ‘cool’, ‘popular’, excessively ‘bubbly’, insensitive, self-centered, gay… pretending to be straight, in fact I didn’t have a sexuality.
I never used to get horny, I never felt a crush on anyone, I wasn’t always happy, but when I was- I was genuinely happy. I was innocent. I was the victim of jokes/insults/teasing- never the offender.
Fuck, how can two years of my life just disappear like that? How can a whole two years be fully summarized in just two short paragraphs, who the hell was I when I was 13-14… what happened to me? Where did that person go?
Was I a geek? - I remember I used to study a lot and I even used to read novels etc.
Was I fat? – I remember I used to eat a lot, and my mother reminded me of my heavy weight every day, yeah yeah, I was fat- hell I don’t even remember what I looked like exactly in 2001, I never took a single picture that year.. I got one or two from 2000, hmm I was darker. Yeah I remember one of those pictures, it had my baby sister(she was 2), my little sister (she was 8ish) and me… 13, in am unflattering orange t-shirt holding the baby…and ah those precious words- “say cheese.