Meeting the real me.

Anonymous's picture

Had a break down last night. Life is way too overwhelming right now. I'm getting off my meds but it's going to take about a month for each one. I woke up this morning and I couldn't even handle the thought of being around people in school so mom let me stay home. It's really bugging me because my english teacher is one the only adults I really feel like I can talk to, and I'm only figuring this out right at the end of the school year. I think maybe it'd be easier for me to talk to him than other adults because I wouldn't have to talk to him about it ever again if I didn't want to. It just helps to have someone to go to who I know will support me and won't judge me at all. But I won't be able to talk to him once school ends, until September. Really frustrating. I really wanted to talk to him today... I was trying to get myself moving and I was thinking that I would just hang out in his classroom before the bell and during mmb, so that I didn't have to be around my friends or anyone else. But I couldn't go. So I slept all day instead. I really really want to go to school on Monday, though, so I'm trying to only think optimistic thoughts. I really do focus on the negative things in my life...that needs to be changed. I need to stop blaming my dad so much for my problems, too. Yeah, he was a part of getting them started, but I'm the only one who can get rid of them.
I've been on meds for YEARS! Oh my gosh. It'll be interesting to see where I'm at without them. I feel like I'm going to be reunited with myself. How crazy is that? It's like I only know the me on the meds, not the normal me. I know the meds are supposed to help me be able to be myself, but it's hard for me to grasp that idea. It feels more like the meds are living my life for me, you know? So I guess we'll see the real me in a couple months.
Optimistic, Livie, think optimistic...


stewie's picture

i remember a few years ago i

i remember a few years ago i was puton meds also.
they tried to get me to take them so i did ..
for a while. it made me feel sooooo weird.
it was a combo of anti-psychotics and antidepressants.
damn i was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
zoned out all day long. i felt like the walking dead.
seriouslly. i had no feelings at all.which is good i guess.
i like being numb , but i like being alive alot better.
i chose to live with my insanity and my depression alot better.
i still get horrid mood swings and manic episodes
of spending sprees , fixed ideas , delusions and sexual hyperactivenss. i feel the time.
i hope things work out for you without the meds.
but if you ever try ot kill yourself , just wait a few hours ,
clear your mind , have some sex , do some drugs and you should
feel better..i always do...but thats just my crazy ass.

p.s. i get days like that too when i don't wanna see anybody.
i just walk around with a mean mug and people usually get the
idea to leave me the fuck , but then again, i do have a
violent reputation.