I made a HUGE mistake... I freaked out at Sarah... I'll give a brief:
Basically We had a twisted friendship where we loved eachother but she was confused so it was on and off. We were kind of more than friends. Many people saw that but she never told me how she truly felt. But I knew she lied to me a lot because she was close to my friends and told them many things that they in turn told me. So I knew the truth about everything. I won't explain in too much detail. Basically She was confused, uncomfortable around me... but liked me. confusing huh? Well one day she told me she went out with a friend and he thought it was a date. Again another lie. The lie that made me snap. apparently that was her boyfriend! So basically she had been dating this guy for a week or so and at the same time kept me close. His name is Chad I guess. Now don't get me wrong. I am not angry that she has a boyfriend. I am mad that she never bothered to tell me about it. I had to find out from a friend.
So my mistake:
I tried to talk to her nicely to say that I didn't want to be around her or anything blah blah blah... But she was high! So I got even more pissed off because the only time I needed to talk to her she was slightly unavailable. So we talked all right. I told her she was a nightmare that I woke up to everyday... Then she said I know... started yelling, I started yelling, pushed her, told her to go back to the school she wanted to go back to and to never talk to me ever again because I don't want to see her. she tried to get by but I pushed her back... she told me to never fucking touch her again... I said Fuck you... And it ended.
See, I've never done that before. I have never been so furious in my entire life. Nobody has ever made me snap like that before and I feel sort of bad. My friends tell me that she deserved it. The told me they would have done that a long time ago. They told me that I had amazing patience and understanding at theat they hated Sarah for doing this to me but even that doesn't make me feel better. All I wanted was her happiness and honesty... instead we just brought out the worst in eachother. Especially in me. My friends congratulated me when I did that because they thought she deserved it plus they have never seen me like that before. God I feel bad... and on top of that A note is on the way to Sarah... It says the same things just different context. and it is a little more gentle.
Basically it still says "you're a nightmare. All I wanted was for you to find yourself but expectations lead to dissappointment. Go back to your town and fuck up your life... I don't care anymore. Don't talk to me, Don't see me. I want to forget you but that's impossible. Out of all the girls I've met you are definatley the... wat that's just cruel to say to you... I never expected you to be perfect. Iliked your imperfections especially the way you are oblivious to life. I'm not perfect, I'm too serious and I can be cruel. But imperfections are what make us beautiful. Sincerely Courtney"
Yeah. I need to stop that letter so badly or else all hell will break lose tomorrow at school... Got to go and find it. Basically I gave it to a friend (last name: unknown. Phone #: Unknown. Destination: Another town. Address: unknown.) Anyways, I'm goint to search for it now. I have 8 hours... Bye.