Please give me some feedback on this!!!

Anonymous's picture

I did something today and my stomach is still in knots. I adore my English teacher so much. He's so nice, he teaches very well, and he's just a really neat guy. For a while now I've been wondering if he's gay. I just get this feeling that he might be. My gaydar is totally out of whack, though, so I'm probably wrong. I asked my global teacher if she thought he might be (because she knows him pretty well), and she said she didn't know. So I talked my bio teacher (who is, like, the coolest guy EVER!) because this is really bugging me and I thought it would probably be inappropriate to ask a teacher about their sexual orientation. Because, you know, Mr. A is my teacher and teachers and students usually don't ask each other personal things. Mr. B, my bio teacher, told me that if he was asked that question he would be completely comfortable answering and he didn't think it was inappropriate to ask. He gave me some advice on how to ask Mr. A in a way that wouldn't offend him. So I wrote Mr. A a letter, explaining my reason for asking him and saying that I wasn't trying to pry, offend him, or make him uncomfortable. I had my best friend read it and she went in the office with me to put it in Mr. A's mailbox. Now I have to wait until Monday to see if I get a reply. I'm not really expecting one, because I don't know what he thinks about a student asking a teacher that. I told him that I was wondering if he's gay because I guess I'm trying to find a gay adult that I could talk to if I need to, about issues regarding being a gay teen in high school. Which is true, and he's one of my favorite teachers. And it would just be really cool if he was gay, because I like gay guys. They're cool...woot! And if he's not, which he probably isn't, I'll feel like a total idiot because I told him that I'm a lesbian. Yeah... Urgh. I really hope that I don't offend him, and I really don't want him to get mad or anything. There's no undoing what's been done, though. It's done and over with. He's most likely read it by now, unless he's not getting his mail until Monday. Oh my goodness. This weekend is going to be so long. I'd really like to hear some feedback -- whether you think what I did was inappropriate or bad or anything.

My best friend looked so good yesterday. She was wearing this black shirt and her favorite pair of jeans. I don't know why, I just think she just looked really really good. Ahh, I love her so much. Not in a girlfriend way, it's in that 'if anything ever happened to her I'd die' way.


chevamartin's picture


yeah i do things that make my stomach tie in knots too. i think its really cool that you got up the guts to ask him. most of the things i do turn out to be really stupid and then bad things happen :( i dont know.. good luck!

my vegetarian frog.

Barium's picture

I don't think what you did wa

I don't think what you did was stupid. Personally I would've just asked because I'm more of the Straight forward approach person. It get things out of the way faster... Unless your Sarah but Sarah is a totally different case. (Maybe I should be straight forward with her...) Anyways completely off topic. I think he may be startled because he's probably not used to the whole "are you gay?" thing but really it's no biggie. He'll get over it but personally I don't see why he would be offended. Also, you're a lesbian so he won't be as uncomfortable like he would if you were a gay. He'll probably talk to you though. I'm pretty sure he will. I would definately talk to some one if they asked me if I was gay and told me that they wanted a gay adult to talk to. For the record I'm lesbian.

lucky girl's picture


maybe my school is weird, but nobody really talks to teachers...the only insight we ever get into their personal lives are the pictures on their desks...

FlameFish08's picture

i think what u did was completely fine. now u just have to put up with the long weekend wait:( but yeah, u were just trying to find something out, and he doesnt have to answer if he doesnt want to. and you asked him in a very private, polite way, so i see nothing wrong there.

brian24139's picture


That's really brave. *hug* I don't think it was innapropriate at all. And you best freinds sounds really pretty. But yes about the teacher. I'd wish I had a gay(or at least good non-related adult) I could talk to. It reall would help.... I hope the answer is yes. Just because

Brian~Nothing is to innapropriate to ask or say and nothing you ask or say should be regretted ( I feel profound right now)

Ebony's picture


Of course it wasn't innappropriate or stupid. It was actually a brave thing to do. Good luck, and I hope everything goes well. And if he isn't gay, don't sweat it. It would be an honest mistake, and I'm sure he'll understand.

And yes, gay guys do rock! <3

jeff's picture


Similar to every comment I leave on here about people who aren't out to their best friends and wondering if they are gay, the first step in knowing ANYONE'S orientation is them knowing yours. It doesn't have to be a case of romantic interest or anything else. If you want to broach that subject with them, tell them your orientation first. If he is gay, and comfortable talking with a student about it, he will then tell you. Or he may just be supportive and not talk about himself. Really, it's his call.

I am a bit perplexed how you think it is possibly crossing a line to ask this teacher about his sexual orientation, but not to discuss his sexual orientation with HIS peers (aka "other teachers"). If someone wants to know if you're a lesbian, should they ask all of your friends if you are?

rowie's picture

i think it was ok to ask him.

i think it was ok to ask him. you did it in a good way and if hes not comfortable with discussing it with you, then he doesnt have to. good luck, let us know what happens.

**you must be the change you wish to see in the world**

wild-blue-yonder's picture

Brave soul

You are very brave!! I couldn't have done that even in a letter I don't think. Good luck, I truly hope he turns out to be someone you can talk to, and yes, gay guys are awesome! I know. Crossing my fingers for you!