still wish you were my lover

ACCgirl's picture

Ran into you today.

Probably got you confused with god or something for a moment when I saw you standing with your back against some lucky concrete structure. Those familiar chemicals were released again, more than ever, splashing and crashing through my system. What a girl, I thought, when I saw you. What intoxication with gorgeous eyes. In an instant, the entire obsessive year came flooding back into my consciousness and I remembered how you looked with your hair wet, body warm and content as I chased you out of the lake and around the little cabin. And how you laughed (that amazing, unfathomable expression of yours appearing in your eyes) at me as I stumbled and tripped over to you by our midnight bonfires, drunk with infatuation and guessing at the right path to take to your heart. My god, I loved this girl, I thought…all in that instant.

Then your eyes flicked casually away from your chattering acquaintances for a moment and met mine, about 60 feet away. Bam. I panicked and turned away like an idiot bystander at the scene of a crime. Started walking, trying desperately to forget how I felt about you…all those lies to myself about how you don’t matter to me anymore began to unravel like a long crimson ribbon of deep emotion. I was too slow, probably too obvious. Your footsteps sounded behind me, quickened when you were sure my retreating figure was indeed me, and then stopped altogether. You said my name. Then again, with more volume, so I would have to be either deaf or ruthless and cold not to respond. I froze. Quickly constucted some sort of pretense for surprise on my face and then turned. You were there, radiant, of course…smiling like it was still last year and I was still something that you liked to surround yourself with. You said something about how awesome it was to see me here and how you were just thinking of me the other day when you and your boyfriend were out doing some wonderful thing or another. And I had half a million things welling up in my head I was dying to tell you…like “I love you,


tastetherainbow's picture


...that, was spectacular. i hope you werent writinq that from experience because that would be really upsetinq... but in all seriousness, that was beautiful. qreat choice of words...

If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: "Hello. Can't work today, still queer." - Robin Tyler

FlameFish08's picture

a true writer at heart

wow, that was possibly one of the most beautiful pieces of writing ive ever read. actually, it was definitely one of the most beautiful things ive ever read. it was just so...i cant even describe how that made me feel. your style of writing is so rich and captivating to say the least. please keep posting

KieBem81's picture

holy shit- fucking beautiful !!!!!

hey there-

i agree with the other two- this is wonderfully composed...i read all the way awe...and even went back...i remember your username from a while ago...welcome back and please stay :) i loved your post! i hope you feel better if that was inspired from your own strong

cnn* :)

"If you love someone, tell them for hearts are often broken by words left unspoken"

1 in 3 women think of having sex or experimenting with other women

beulah land's picture


you...shouldn't tell me i'm a writer, because then i read things like this and it becomes very apparent that i'm not.
this was heartbreaking, in that way that only comes from experience, so...i'm sorry that it hurt, but glad you could turn it into something beautiful.

"Probably got you confused with god or something for a moment when I saw you standing with your back against some lucky concrete structure."- wonderful line. one of those that's worth re-reading ten times. and i think i will.

niks121997's picture

Let me add to the masses

That was beautifully heartwrenching as well as wonderfully written. Somehow I'm not surprised. Missed you, girl.

"Life's under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we get and are thankful that it is no worse than it is."

"All that we see or seem is but a dream within a dream."

armadillo's picture

holy shit!

How'd you do that? You explain things so well. Why don't you put your hand on hers next time she touches your shoulder!

Is everyone obsessive or is it just us?

Daisy's picture


That was really beautiful. It almost made me cry. Thank you for posting it.

"When that sonuvabitch puts his hands on her, you should tell yourself he's putting his hands all over you"

budding rainbow's picture

sorry to be monotonous

I know so many people have already said it, but that was wonderful. I'm going to college this fall and I have to start thinking about what I want to do with my life. I've always love writing, the ability of transforming printed letters into feelings, visions, comedy, pain, anything. But the basic reason I want to do it is because only through writing can someone type a post as you have and as a result evoke emotion within all the people who read it. If you ever want to chat, let me know. My screenname is CCsoccerfreek9. Thanks for allowing us to see into your personal life. It was beautiful.

greta's picture

your writting is just stunnin

your writting is just stunning! it's made me want to put my life on hold so i could sink into it. thank you for posting this!