Everything is out there, everything is in the world, somewhere out there. And I feel so tiny. All these people with clashing opinions, fighting with words, politics, and guns. I am hiding. Agreement is impossible, when one side had deluded itself into believing that it's ok to hurt people who've done nothing wrong. But fighting for the right side, is still fighting. So I am fighting too, because sometimes to help, you have to hurt. There's no point in hiding, even if I am hiding every day. It's not enough to organize an informational anti-homophobia assembly with the help of a seventh-grade english teacher, not nearly enough. Sitting at home on my couch all weekend, when I could be stenciling postive things on the sidewalk, or protesting in front of the state house, it just isn't fair to all the other people, who're trying so hard, while I sit at home. Just feeling like something is wrong, and helping a little bit, is never enough. I want to do something drastic, something that'll make it obvious that I'm trying to help. Even if the little things do count (which they do), those little things wouldn't exist, if it weren't for the people taking care of the big picture. I don't want that responsibility, but I don't want to dump that responsibility on other people, just because I'm too lazy to take the time to help. Discovery is taking over my life; I'm thinking so hard about who I am, that everything else is falling apart, and I feel so sad, so sad. Maybe just empty, and I don't know why. Because of NARTH, and Mission America. that's why. They make me feel like I'm nothing, like who I am isn't real, and my culture is there to corrupt their children. Even though it's just me, and my friends, and who we are, because we were born that way, or have become that way, as we grew. It's not fair for them to attack us, for something that is an unchangeable part of who we are. I don't attack their religion, or their heterosexuality, so why should they tell me that I'm not bisexual, I'm mentally unstable? That what I am is a disease, and spiritually wrong, and that I should never be allowed to marry a woman, if I wanted to. They hate me for who I am, then I hate them because they hate me. Then everyone is in hate. And my battles become worthless, because I'm fighting for all the wrong reasons. So everything falls apart.