To Maria

Barium's picture

Please keep in mind that this is a letter to a foreign woman in Russia so my English is very short and choppy. Also there are some notes for the slang.

Dear Maria,

I've messed up really bad... I did something bad too. Sarah and I are fine but she is so confused and doesn't EVER talk. We are not girlfriends but I can see in her eyes that she adores me. I adore her too.

Everything started this morning. I was frustrated with Sarah and our really confusing situation. I was talking to my friend Kaylee. I told her I was lonely (as a joke... kind of...) and I leaned against her and asked if she could be my girlfriend so I wasn't lonely anymore. She said yes but I didn't mean for her to be a real girlfriend. And at noon hour I was talking to my friend Leah. She told me how confused Sarah was. Leah talks to Sarah on the bus. Leah told Sarah that she should talk to me more because I understand what being gay is like. Which I do! I'm almost a proffesional lesbian! But I guess Sarah doesn't talk about emotions...

Anyways, I found Kaylee later on and she told me that she was in love with me. She told me she was happy to be my girlfriend because I am her hero! I didn't know what to do! I didn't think that Kaylee really loved me. I didn't want a girlfriend. So Kaylee has been telling people that we're dating. If Sarah finds out then I'm seriously dead! I love Sarah and I don't want to lose Kaylee as a friend.

So I talked to Sarah later on. I asked her if she was ever going to tell me that she was leaving to go to a new school. She said she never wanted to tell me and that she just wanted to leave and never see me again. My heart broke. I broke but I didn't cry. I just asked her "why?". She told me she didn't want to hurt me. I told her it would hurt me more to never know the truth and never see her again. She looked at the ground and said "yeah... I know."

Then at the end of school I talked to Leah and I told her everything that happened today. She told me that I'm seriously fucked over (In trouble). I'm fucked... God. I'm really stressed out.

Then after school I talked to my friend Krista. She told me that Kaylee thinks I'm using her to make Sarah jealous... WHICH I SWEAR TO YOU I AM NOT MARIA!!! I'm trying to keep this from Sarah. I have made a big mistake. I feel horrible for the misunderstanding between Kaylee and I... I didn't want to make her feel so horrible. I've pulled her into mine and Sarah's issue. Now Kaylee is confused and angry and she is going to hate me after this. I am honestly not in any condition to be in a relationship right now (obviously). I need to tell Kaylee that I am not using her and that she is wonderful and that I understand if she thinks I am horrible. I think I am. And Sarah... I don't know what to do anymore.

I'll figure it out...

Yours truly,
Courtney

Comments

armadillo's picture

cool and confusing

It's cool that you have a friend from Russia, I think she'll get the idea, but wow, it is confusing even if you speak english! I think the confusion comes from intense emotion.