milee13's picture

I spent this weekend with a group of like seven or eight of my friends as it was one of their's birthday, rather interesting I'll admit.

Four of my friends that were there are belly dancers so we those of us who aren't spent about an hour watching them do that...It's a little disturbing actually because they just kind of turn on romanian music and start dancing around for no actual reason, but they're really good so I'm not going to complain.
It's hard being around them sometimes for varying reasons, but it's nice when we're all able to get together and just hang out for hours on end, it's only like the fourth or fifth time that we've been able to do so this year and it's even harder for me to get together with any of them outside of school because, eve though I'm seventeen, I don't have my license yet and I actually live a town over from the rest of them.

My friend, we'll call her 'A', burned me a copy of this ozone mix that she and C have been listening too, I really like it even though it's not what I typically listen to, then again I like music that isn't in english. I anticipate that I'll get lot written to this particular CD.

I took a chunk out of my left pinky finger yesterday and it hurts like a bitch and is going to leave a nasty scar. I have the ugliest hands on the planet, I only get scars on my hands, burn marks, deep scratch marks, a cuts that never fully fade.

My friend AC was also at the party, she's fantastic, my favorite of all of my friends personality wise, sometimes makes me wish I was a guy, which really sucks, but she's an awesome person and the coolest of all of my friends except maybe C.

I spent like three hours in borders today with A, C, and S just looking through books, horribly annoying thing to do to the poor sales clerks I know. C think's it's hilarious that most of what I read tends to be gay fiction and other weird sociology books and she's always assaulting me with disturbing sex books....

I was really ary of her for a while because she asked me in front of a few other people if I was gay back in feb. after we'd all been up all night. I didn't say anything at the time seeing as I was still dealing with a lot of personal issues, and I still haven't really confirmed or denied it for any of them. AC and A were there as well, I don't think that S was with us then, there were like 15 of us at the party and we all split up in different rooms depending on how late we intended to be up. There was a lot more to what she did, aside from bluntly questioning my sexuality at 6:30 in the morning, that day including relaying her suspicions to everyone else later on... but that's a complicated story. I wasn't so much mad at her but more horrified and panicky than anything else. Let's keep in mind that I had been awake for going on 36 hours at the time and wasn't thinking all that clearly....

She spurred me into coming out to two of my friends, but ironically enough not herself because I don't know how good she is at keeping her mouth shut and there are some people that I'd rather didn't know or preferred that they just kept with whatever suspicions that they may have.

The first person that I told was my really close male friend who lives several states away, I was pretty much realing from the whole party aftermath and knew that he would give me some decent advice and at least get me to calm down, which he did.
The second person that I told was my friend M who I've known for 11 years...she's the one that I think thinks that I may be a heterophobe...seeing as all of my friends are straight and I have no problem with that her suppositioning is a bit far fetched. She seems to forget that I'm gay a lot, or she asks me weird questions about it that I really hate because they're so off the wall or they're really personal. She also has a really bad habit of invading personal space and making me really uncomfortable, I almost actaully gnashed teeth with her last night at A's party.

Wow I've managed to get really off subject....

Anyway my mom is in Las Vegas, has been since thursday and she's coming back with like 5 of my family members tomorrow which really sucks because this is the last week before finals and I have two huge papers to write, an independent study history class to wrap up, another thing for ap history to do and two languages to study for and math....
I came home today after hanging out with everyone since yesterday after the SAT's to find that my old brother and younger sister had thrashed the house and not only did I have to clean up all of their crap i still have to straighten up my room and stop acting so gay....ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh the work i must do!!!!!!!

I finally worked out my class schedule for senior year, next year. I'm going to take AP bio with AC instead of chem, math, spanish III, Ap government, Ap english, economics and one semester of german II before I go on advanced study because I have to take my econ and will technichally be having eight classes and a schedule only holds seven.....gah I'll have zero period all year and I'll be working! the stress.


Sirens call's picture

Stress less

Everything will turn out okay in the end *smile*.
Also, maybe you should talk to some of your friends, because it sounds like they have a habit of putting you on the spot and/or making you uncomfortable. Hope things go well for you.

See you around!