Chucked out

aviva's picture

Yeah so, my girlfriend- a few of you might know her... and I got drunk after the SATs on Saturday, and we went out for icecream (driving drunk- tut tut). Anyway, we went to this fastfood joint, and as we were leaving, I was getting in the car head first and my girl plopped icecream on my back and licked it off lavishly.... Oops! Coz, she started gigling and said that "that white family saw me do that." So I looked up and tried to act like nothing was happening, but it wasn't just some random family - it was the family of the most christian, know-it-all, perfect, sanctimonius, I've-never-committed-a-sin-in-my-life girl in our yeargroup and she just smiled at us and walked away with her eight brothers and sisters.

Anyway, we convinced ourselves that she didn't see anything.... But she did. And she came back to school on Monday and told the entire yeargroup how disgusted she was, and oh my god, her senses had been completely affronted, and she was so "traumatised" was the word she used as she was flapping her hands about in disgust. So now, whether we like it or not - we're out.

And it's a bitch, coz that girl and all her friends are Prefects so they can tell our headmistress and we can get into a whole bag of shit. Trust me, this country - and in particular our Anglican school, are very conservative and severely homophobic.... And if they tell our parents, we'll never see each other again. Plus, I'll be dead. We'd also be in shit with the law - coz any sort of kiss between a guy and a girl in public is illegal here, (and I should know as I almost got arrested for "Public Indecent" - ignorant nigga, by a police officer for hugging my boyfriend in public but that was three years ago when I was still in denial and straight). And being gay anywhere is a crime in this country.... so... we're in a lot of trouble if this gets out.

It's so not fair.

I hate the fact that all those girls I thought were my "friends" are gossiping about me and calling me a fag. None of them has the guts to ask me to my face - hypocrits. They just smile and then bitch when I leave. They think I'm so dirty, and immoral - man, can they toss that word around! I'm not immoral at all! I'm just different. I don't feel like what I'm doing is "immoral." Plus, I think Jesus loves me...yes I know...for the Bible tells me so...

I'm just so mad that that blonde bitch couldn't keep her mouth shut (although, I'm more mad at myself and my girl for doing things in public). Actually, it's not that chick's fault for reacting the way she did. She lives in a bubble and can't even understand people having a baby out of wedlock, or sleeping with someone you're not married to. Poor girl. It's not her fault.

Shit... but I wish she hadn't kicked us out the closet. Wish, we'd gotten the chance to tell the people who matter to us, in our own time, in our own way. Now, I've got to quickly tell all my friends (before they get angry at me for not trusting them). The news of "the lesbians" is spreading like fire in our school and the other private schools in our city. See, it's an EXTREMELY small and lifeless community.

Fuck, I don't know what to do. All I know is that my only joy is my girlfriend. She is my pillar and my foundation... She is all I care about now. And it's so weird how this being kicked out the closet has made me realise more poignantly than ever before, that she is all I desire and she is what I need. As long as she's happy, I can live through anything.

Ah gross- Too sentimental. End.

In other news - the government is going mad. What's new?

Hum hum... I love her so much!!!!!

I hate school though. They're gonna tie me to the fence and throw stones at me- figuratively speaking of course.


xxxangelxxx's picture


Hiya girl! It sounds like you've been having a bit of a rough time lately to say the least and I'm really sorry to hear that. It's a crime to be gay where you're from...I sure feel sorry for you and your girl and all the other people that must be in a similar situation to you both.

I really think that the girl who spotted you and your girlfriend should have kept her mouth shut about what she saw, it's none of her business. Spreading it around the school is such an insensitive thing to do and one day I hope she will reflect on her actions and see that she was wrong in doing what she did. Not everyone in the world is like her, if they were then this would be one hell of a boring world!

All I can say to you is stay strong and please try not (I know it's easy for me to say) to let other people's opinions/comments get to you too much. Remember you are a very special person and loved by many I'm sure. Look after your girl and I'm sure you two will get through this tough time, together. I wish you all the very best ash-z.

As soon as forever is through, I'll be over you.

chuckles's picture

Laugh it off?

Could you just laugh and say "oh yeah we're totally a couple?"

I'm not gay, and have just stumbled onto this site and I am outraged that you have to live in this kind of fear!

I don't know where you live that being gay is a crime, but the legislature and society should wake up!

But I'm moving off point here. My point was, that when I was at high school, I used to get teased for being a lesbian because I had close friendships with other girls that were physically affectionate. We used to just egg them on and laugh, and they got bored with it and stopped.

Obviously I live in a different culture in which it is pretty acceptable to be a lesbian, so that may make it different (legally speaking I mean, it wasn't okay by the girls at school!). But sometimes a brazen approach can work.

Anyway, I wish you and your girlfriend all the very best in life and love. My heart goes out to you.

Paladin's picture


Under other circumstances, I might advise cooling the relationship so as to try and reduce suspicion, but I don't think either of you are about to do that.

You both need a plan to get out. SATs sounds like you're thinking of studying in the US. If you are, then keep in mind that you need to just last until this time next year. If you can do that, then it should be smooth sailing from there on, but otherwise, you might never escape. I worry for the two of you because it seems like you're both not taking enough precautions.


Lez4Life707's picture

I going to give you a list of

I going to give you a list of quotes that i hope will hepl and be sure to remember them to for they will help you later one in life.
*"You laugh at me because I different and I laugh at you cuz your all the same"
*"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory"
*"NOTHING IN LIFE IS TO BE FEARED,IT IS ONLY TO BE UNDERSTOOD. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less."
Hope things get better for you.

Support Disney's Family Value
"When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are."
Love all Families Support all marriages

etherealmonster's picture

oh my god i'm so sorry whe

oh my god i'm so sorry

where do you live?!

aviva's picture

Thank you so much for the support

Well, it's like 6:30am and school starts soonish, reading your comments made me breathe more easily.

To Paladin: Yeah, it was only coz we were drunk- stupid move now I look back on it. We've been together in secret now for two and a half years and there have always been tiny rumours (although never any "proof", I guess you could call it). We've decided to be a lot more prudent, but the damage has already been done... And frankly, we're getting tired of hiding from other people. It isn't fair, and it's so frustrating.

We can't wait to get out of here to a normal society where we can just be ourselves(maybe South Africa or the States for university). We live in Zimbabwe, Africa, by the way. I dunno, I just don't like that school and this place and all the pressure. It's starting to get to me.

Signed: call me what you will.