milee13's picture

I had a really awful dream about one of my friends last night. I dreamt that i was back at school and i was leaving my german class and on my way to the main building and from there i guess i was going home...anyway it was pouring down rain, really stormy and dark and i had to run all the way across campus, anyway i entered the main building and it was amazingly crowded and dim (most of my dreams are really dark so i guess that wasn't terribly unusual)

Well i have this friend who, if she wasn't straight i would love to date (I really hate this particular aspect of my life, the whole closeted girl lusting after her friend and whatnot, not something i would ever tell her....)So i'm rushing through the hallway so that i can get outside again and get to my brothers car and my ride home, etc. And i realize that I'm right behind my friend, and it's fairly obvious that she's trying to avoid me, which even in my dream i respect so i leave her alone, but then she just stops and turns around and starts telling me that she no longer wishes to be my friend, and goes on about how it was okay when she thought i just didn't like guys because they're jerks and so on and so forth, i can't remember exactly what she said, but she did at one point tell me that she knew that i liked her and that she found me absolutely disgusting and thought it would be best if she just shunned me.

I know it was just a dream but that was pretty painful. I've never actually had a dream where i am rejected like that by someone just for being gay. Really upset me, as though i'm not already fucked up about the issue, the whole thing is that i just don't want to lose her friendship and that's exactly what happened....stress i guess