How do I love?

Lit From Inside's picture

Soft white light, softly bringing forth a note of utmost irony in the air; I am not free. Walking every road, playing every game, doing all that I may, everything that I wish. Yet somehow, I am not free. I take myself hostage, heart clad in iron, I will walk only so, and look only so. Self-restraint is the only way. Within yourself is the only place to hide. Hide I do, from everything, from life, from the world. Pretending to be free, I fool everyone, but I do not laugh. No small fluorescent bubbles lift from my stomach through my throat to escape with a small chuckle across my tongue, not in the least. Instead, I keep the air around me stiff and muted, nothing can touch me through that invisible barrier. Haughty disdain is reflected beneath my heavy lids, but I am ashamed. To love, and be loved...to find clarity and truth. I can't let the truth flow from my sun-parched lips, I can't love without truth, so I am not free. No one knows me. No one is me.

Comments

Daisy's picture

Hi

You entries are always so... Pretty and strange. I love reading them.

You know what else I love? Francesca Lia Block! She's amazing. I've read everything she's ever published (well, actually, she has two out-of-print collections of poetry that I haven't read... but everything ELSE).

Anyway, I was excited to see that somebody else likes her. Yeah. She's meant to have a book coming out in the fall.

---

These seconds when I'm shaking leave me shuddering for days.

Lit From Inside's picture

Reply

AAAhh!!! Seriously!? FLB is like my idol. I get all fangirlish when thinking about her amazing books. God, another one in the fall...hip hip hooray! Have you read Am I Blue? She has a short story in it, a shorter version of one from Girl Goddess #9. Anyways, it's a great collection, you may have read it, but if not...I recommend. Thank you so much for reading my journals, and for enjoying them. I write for myself, but I love it when other people take pleasure in my words. Thank you.
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Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes: he only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases. -Lewis Carroll, a man with little sense, and much imagination

Daisy's picture

Ah!!

You like the Dresden Dolls, too?! Ah!

Wow!

Okay, yeah. That's like cosmic or something. Out of control.

p.s. Yes, I've read "Am I Blue?"

"You so easily remember the times I was Eurydice, when the ward's locked door slid closed between us. Do not forget I have also been Orpheus, on my knees in the boat, asking all the devils for your face in the trees."

aviva's picture

nice one

"I keep the air around me stiff and muted, nothing can touch me through that invisible barrier. "

"I take myself hostage, heart clad in iron, I will walk only so, and look only so."

I like. I really like. But Daisy, I don't think it's strange at all.

Signed: call me what you will.

Lit From Inside's picture

Thank you.

So much. I'm truly glad that you enjoyed it. I admire your spirit and writing skills, which makes it all the more awesome that you think that what I wrote is beautiful, interesting, whatever. Thank you. And thank you for thinking that what I've written isn't too strange, I just express myself, and my expressions are human, so how strange can they be?
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Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes: he only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases. -Lewis Carroll, a man with little sense, and much imagination