stewie's picture

if i was to take sex completly out of the equation , i would
definetly be with a girl. i can totally have sex with a guy
and really could care less about him the next second after orgasm.
i manipulate , seduce , flatter ,desire and do what ever i need to do
when i am horny.but afterwards , i really really really have no
feelings at all for guys. i hate them actually , they stink,
they are idiots and i really hate guys in general.
i hate fags the most , effeminate and sissy like. might as well be a chick
with a dick.i can't stand pussy boys and fems.
i understand you are who you are , but hey , dosen't mean i have to
like their company.

i can love a girl to death but then i can also hate with all of my
heart and soul. i withold sex for power i think.
i like that i can have control over it and wave it in front
of their face, something they want but can't have.
i want a girl but i dispise them soo much.
i want to love but i will eventually hate them anyways.
i hate people but enjoy envoking feelings of
fear , desire , anxiety ,respect and sexual tension in people.
i love to control and manipulate people.
i love to break a girls heart for fun and make her want me.
i want to be wanted and desired only so i can hurt them.
i enjoy being emotionally untouchable and detacthed.
indifferent and aloof. uncaring and cold.

i distort and pervert it through homosexuality and desires
of the flesh, with that it currupts any and all attempts
for ever falling in love.
what girl would want to love a faggot?
what girl would want to be with such a villan like me?

if i were to take sex out of the equation and just followed my
heart , i would be with a girl no doubt in my mind at all.
i know deep down in my heart why i am soo cruel and fucked up.
it's not my sexuality i have been repressing ,
but my ability to let go and become emotionally vulnerable to
fall in love. i repress my true desires of love.
i can't stand heartache. i am soo rough on the outside because i am
soo soft inside.

my heart , my body and my mind are fighting...
i just want to be loved , i can never love a guy,but i will have sex with them.
i can only love a girl but i will never allow it to happen.



w8tin4life's picture

my opinion doesnt matter

well, at least you know where you stand. you know why you act the way you do, for most people they dont even know that much. letting go and feeling vulnerable is something so hard to do with anyone. it's letting all the gaurds you have about yourself down and just taking a leap of faith into something unknown. easier said then done, i know. it's taken me forever to do it because i have a pretty bad past. now that i can, i've pushed everyone who matter and who,loved me away. one a diffrent subject, sex doesnt neccesarilly mean that you're attached to the person you have it with. it's when you have emotions and time and tears backing sex when it becomes something new. well, thats just my opinion not that anything i wrote matters or even helped. i hope you find your way. you can talk to me if you want.

Who would give a law to lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law. ~Boethius, The Consolation of Philosophy, A.D. 524

aviva's picture

hum hum

Someone told me this really cool (totally unrelated to your story) quote: "At least once in your life: let your GUARD down, let your hair down and let your mother down." Hum hum... I dare you to fall in love. Sure you'll probably get crushed and heartbroken and walked all over... but hey! Then you can REALLY fuck people over and feel no remorse, cause you'll KNOW that they all deserve it. However, wouldn't it be fabulous if you did fall, hard, and fell for someone who fell for you back? Someone who would love you and go fuck you to the rest of the world for you... who wanted you for more than a screw and a mindfuck. The thing you'll regret most when you're dying is that you never let someone(s) in. Hum hum... my two cents has been delivered. No offence intended.

Ooh...you sound really interesting though.

Signed: call me what you will.

stewie's picture

you'd be really suprised how

you'd be really suprised how easy it is to make people
want you. sure i could fall in love with the right girl,
but then i am sure to hurt her and fuck her over one
way or another. don't you understand? i live to hurt , seduce
and make people desire me one way or another only to
spite them and hurt them. i have no real emotions i can
honestly call genuine that is projected onto another person.
other then sex , greed , anger , spite and self indulgence.

i really could care less , people want to one day
have families , fall in love , fuck , make money and
own shit to feel complete-be whole , feel as if they ammounted
to something. i just wanna fuck , drink and have power over
peoples minds. i am that haunting image in people's mind
that they can't let go of , attracting yet repelling.
a paradox they will never ever ever ever figure out.
soo contradicting and confusing it hurts their head to even
try to contemplate. i believe that it is the only key to immortality
because even when i am long gone, i will still be in peoples
minds- a wound digs deeper and is harder to forget ,it becomes
a part of you and is always remembered. you rememeber the
people that hurt you longer then the people that have done good
for you. i guess this is the only way i know how to be an impact
in peoples lives , besides...if they all hated me sooooooo
much , then why do they desperatly want anything to do with me?

wanna see what i mean? next time you guys/gals see someone you
want to know or approach you- stand up a lil straigher ,
breath slower , stand in that persons field of vision so they
can kinda see you and are surely to look.
you can tell they notice you if you look at then and they blink
or blush. he's the trick, look at them , wait for a response,
look them up and down. and then turn your face so you
can still kinda see their responses. most will mirror you
some will not...but most likely they will.
wait for them to do the same and they will do what you just did.

it's natural human reation , look directly at them.
when they look at you , look directly into their eyes and
give them a "faraway gaze" as if you are penetrating into them
don't smile , don't flinch , kinda keep your head down looking up
and squinting your eyes just a little but not alot.
slowly blink as you are looking away. if you are "good"
add a pinch of sadness , desire , or whatever kind of feeling
you want to envoke in another person. they will surely mirror you.
if it's hard , think of something in the past that induced
that type of feeling you are trying to create.

ever see a person cry and you felt sad? or seen a person suffer and
you felt comapssion? same thing here but you are doing it
conciously and in control of it. you can say something to create
reponses in people or you can create strong emotions and surely
enough the emotions will have more of a lasting effect.

the cool thing about this is that the look and the emotions
created are soo ambiguious and it could mean anything.
most people will say something to you , good or bad.
but still a reation no less and thats what you are striving for.
an ice breaker.

well , theres a hint of how to begin to seduce people.
where it goes afterwards is up to you , i can't spill
all the beans. most likely alot of you will probally
fuck up and fall into the same routine , laying all your cards
on the table , doing everything for the person and
winde up being a fucking door mat. no mystery ,
no intrigue , no fun chasing eachother around ,
creating desire and anticipation.
oh well , not everyone is cut out for this.

i have been doing this sooo long i can sum up how a person really is
and not by what or how they present themselves to the world.
not just through this intial encounter but through a series
of encounters that follow...

stewie's picture

did'nt mean to spill my guts

did'nt mean to spill my guts on this thread , but
i was drunk off of my ass and feeling the need to
let go. ah yes, my true intentions , shunned from the
rest of the world , but unleased on a website!
wow , how pathetic is that? hiding behind a key board and
an lcd screen...
oh well ,better then repressing it and letting it grow into
cancerious tumor inside my anus.

the thread was about what would happen if i took sex out of the
equation and whom i would fall in love with.
well , what about you guys/gals guygals ?


unicornz's picture

youre not evil

waht youre doing, ive also been doing for years. Its easy to manipulate people, especially boys, into doing what you want. That dosnt make you evil though, just means you have better than average leadership and social skills. If you know about this, you know to give a warm smile and look like youre king shit for an interview, and thats not being evil, just smart, they are right though, the lame predictable way people respond to you gets boring after awhile and letting your guard down and getting a surprise is much better. other than that youre just somebodys fuck friend and that can get tiring. If you were brave, youd fall in love.

stewie's picture

yeah , if it was as easy as t

yeah , if it was as easy as that i would fall in love in a heartbeat.
sometimes i feel like a tratior for being on here.
a place where actual GLTB people can express themselves and find
santuary and i am here fucking off. i should be trying to get
help for myself , i should be trying better myself instead of
getting drunk off my ass and venting on here.
i should be doing alot of things , but it'd rather
enjoy being lost and getting fucked up.maybe i don't wanna be found,
ever consider that?
anyways , i am no leader or have any kind of social skills .
all i know how to do is fuck with people and get them to do
and feel whatever i choose to. it's not anything cool
or neato it's just something i developed over the years of
avoiding getting my ass kicked or picked on by people.

it's my way of saying fuck society for creating me..
ooohhh ppppooooo wwwhoooooo there i go again blaming others.
oh well it makes me feel better.

if i where brave i'd let go and fall in love?
sure , well she had better be one crazy ass bitch to be able to
put up with my crazy ass thats all i have to say.
and for me to fall for a guy?! yeah sure!(:
that'll be the day, i get queers and fags to fall for me left and
right. it'll be a cold day in hell before i ever fall for a dude!
sex is one thing but love , shhheah right! blow me fuckers!