I have always lived life on the edge. A lot of people think it is impossible to live a life full of gambling, money, women, power, party’s, cash, drugs, models, cars, police, you know the whole nine yards. Well that is the kind of life I live. I am a big gambler. I do a lot of underground racing, boxing, and battles. I fell into this circle when I was in the 6th grade. The life I live isn’t easy at all. And you see I am in a tight spot right now I am complete confused and need some advice. Read my story and at the end I will have a list of questions.
You see I lost my fiancé in Aug. of 2004 Jackie died in a car crash and there was nothing I could have done to save her. But that is not my problem there is this girl I go to school with and I met and liked Mirna 3months before I even met Jackie. Now Mirna and I have always been good friends and she knew that I like when we were freshmen. In Jan 2005 Mirna and I started to talk more, spend more time together (not alone) (etc…). But my feelings started getting stronger for Mirna at the end of April 2005. I really care about her to she means a lot to me. But I ran into some trouble. I was supposed to do this job for these guys and I should have never agreed to the job with out knowing what the job was but I need some money (I’m the kind of person who likes to work for there money and if I brow money I will always pay you back but I need to much money so I was just going to work for it. My family is in a tight spot and they need some money). When I found out what I was need for I wanted out (the job involved drugs). They didn’t like that to much and so they told me that if I didn’t do this job they would start hurting the people I care about. I knew my family was safe because the first thing I learned when I got involved in this circle back when I was in the 6th grade, Was to never talk about your family to anyone but your friends. All these guys knew was I didn’t live with my family because I got kicked out and that I hated them (which was not true). But I did have a problem they knew I liked so girl a lot. Now Mirna was in danger. The fact that I couldn’t save Jackie killed me but now Mirna life was at stake a I knew I could protect her because they had no clue who she was yet. I knew that this job wasn’t safe so I went to a friend and he helped me bust them. Now I was in deep a Mirna was still in danger so I told her that I was having a run of bad luck and that a lot of close friends seemed to be dying and that I felt she was in danger to, (I told her part of the truth a lot of people I love and cared about had died. Counting from July 23, 04 until today I have had 18people die, I was having some bad luck. But I just left out that the part where I had also ran into so trouble. Mirna has no clue about my gamblers life and I want to keep it that way) she didn’t believe me. So I told her I need some time to myself to think and get my shit straight. She got so pissed off at me. I agreed to do my part of the job but my friend made sure that the guys got busted before I had to my job. I got away clean and now that it is all over with and I knew Mirna was safe I tried to get a hold of Mirna but now she wants nothing to do with me. The thing that we had was now gone and she threw it in my face by hooking up with some guy that she works with, and a girl I don’t get along with.
My List of Problems……..This is where I need your advice……….
1. Is it to soon after Jackie’s death, I feel like I am betraying Jackie (Note: it has almost been a year since Jackie died I have been single since Jackie died.)
2. What I wrong when I asked Mirna to stay away for a while
3. What should I tell Mirna?
4. How do I get Mirna back?
5. Should I tell Mirna the truth? (About the life I live)
I am so Lost I don’t know what to do. I would really appreciate if you helped me out.