alright, there is this girl. i love talking to here. i never feel like ending a note to her. i swear all i want to do is talk to her. i check to see if she's written me anything every five minutes. i talk to her and everything else seems to disappear. i miss hours at a time just writing to her. everything gets hazy and all i can think of is her laughing and smiling. but it's nonsense. i can never be with her. she's younger than i am. she lives somewhere else. i dont know if what im feeling is just something for a freind or something amazing, something much more than that. i think of her when i write my music. corale upon coral (it's a piece of music someone can write) music that i think will define her put her into a shape and essence that i can grasp but its like their is always something missing. a part of her i cant define with notes or tunes or any kind of score. she's not defined by a trumpet or a violin or a piano. and every one reading, thinks im a dork. what i mean to say is that. oh i dont know what the piont was supose to be.the ground fact is i dont know what it is. i dont know why i think about it so much. are conversation and are messages and are talking. i dont know what it is and i dont know how to deal with it and... ughhhh frustration. i guess im screwed.